Why Love is sooo.....complicated

I cannot sleep last night.... so my right eye become like bola golf.... bosan pikir pasal cinta... bosan biler pikir ...is these guy are meant for me... what happen when his not???... Damn... i hate it when we have to fall in love and at the end to fall apart.... it hurt and it`s damn hurt. Why guys never appreciate a gurl feeling.? Or does the gurl are blind itself....duh....

I remembered when i was in standard 4, a guy from next class has a crush on me..... The feeling was so.... unbelievable.... u know when u hav less self-esteem, u think urself as ugly duckling and someone has a crush on u. The news was spread all over the school... when i`m in standard 6 the news get even worst, even discipline teacher (Cikgu Ilias) came to my class and ask whose bla...bla..bla..blaa.... to get even more panas telinga...... `Kecik2 lagi dah pandai menggatal.` ...Perghhh menyirap siot.

But i know... who i am... and i thank that guy`s (Shahizan S.) a lot.... because u hav a crush on me..... u make me felt like somebody and u make me appreciated myself. I never did gave any response on his feeling.... i just said `If u like me ...... u have to get 4A on ur UPSR`. Things will happen to be just as what we never planned. At the end I, the only person in my school got 4A and he got 3A1C for English...... he was so sad ... that make him left the school after gettin the result. And he avoiding me at all...... that make me has less chance to meet and talk to him after that day.

I have a regret in my life. And that regret is.... to thank him a lot for liking me..... After i got 4A... i became popular....everyone was eager to find me and to have a look on these brilliant kampung gurl. But i try my best to run away... and sneak out from those annoying crowd. I hate it.......and i hate the most when that guys run away from me. i felt like nobody..... at all.

Now, things gettin diffrent and even better. I`m 25...not so beautiful...but i`m happy with who i am.... confident and honest as a mature human being. I have a problem in my love and relation with guys...... maybe it a sin from the past, when someone being honest to love u.... but i just let him down.

Wonder what he`s doing now....... is he married yet or not.!!!?????!!!