My SouL

Last night i was free from any engagement with all my friends. Start again my so long called hobbies which is 'keluar malam' and 'balik lewat'. Hehe.......... i felt so boring stayed at home, with those annoyed noise with my TV broke down still had no idea bcoz of what....... well nevertheless had no money to repair it; have to save for my car tax & insurances. Cool!!! So i took a really deep breath one two three buumm...sleeep.....wake up, take a shower, read magazine then fall to sleep till early in the morning....... what i got....its totally fresh felling and empty minds. Yeah...... I'm going to work ready for a new start and rushing to a meeting discussion at 10am. Wow!!! felt like a student again...

Its quite boring when you have to follow the same routine everyday.....everyweek.... duh boring boring....... God test me with soo....much problem in my project team, till now i'm grown up to be ....hhmmmm problem...ok problem again.....duh that problem......hello problemm again. Huh!! I didn't realise these is my fourth final semester, yet not publish any journal or publication, hehehe still had not finish my testing...... collect all kind off journal but luckily had no idea where to start. i felt more like a useless then a winner. Gorsshhhh.........i just want to scream........somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!! huh

Bout life....cool and excellent, had a problem with my housemate, with Cik rasmina which more i called unprofessional shout out but then .....fine whatever gurl, i didn't talk with my dad............becoz of my relationship with my new boyfriend, he didn't like him. A few weeks ago ...... i dreamt that i tell nobody bout it...... that i wake one morning and i tried to find my dad, but his not there in our house i ask everybody where is my dad, he take a good care of me i felt totally empty and nothing to be sure, why everybody was cried and tell me to CALM DOWN. i cannot do that because i want to see my dad..... everybody was busied with the funeral preparation. i was so mad i get crazy i shout loud and cried that i want my dad....... untill then i wake up, felt a tears come up from my eyes and i'm in sober........ gorsshh i never dreamt like these before.

I'm a daddy's favorite daughter and one thing we had in common is......we are soo damn stubborn. He stick with his decission and so do I. At first i thought that i do nothing wrong and i will never broke up with my BF.... fulled stop....end off discussion. I didn't talk to my dad, and he did it too. NEVERMIND ....sorry i didn't even care about it.

BUT....... the dreamt told the difference side of me. I do care actually. I remembered when daddy took me to school when i was in standard 1, i remembered daddy buy first KFC burger when i was 7 or 8 years old, I eat it all along that big burgers by myself beside my little brother till my mom came and shout that i suppost to share it with him, i.....OK.....i already finish it. I see my little brothers face, he was so spechless and of coz with watery eyes. I'm a bad sister....i know it. Remembered all the past, make me realise that i shouldn't act the way i did........ I felt totally confuse with myself...........

So ........... thats what make the decission. I want to break up.

My Best Friend Wedding....

Alhamdullillah....syukur aku seorang lagi kawan aku dah selamat bernikah. Thankx God for giving her as my best friend. Most of all what soo special about her is she taught me a lot to be a tough gurl and let other people said anything about us, yang penting kita kenal siapa diri kita. Thats what i'm said life is mean nothing without a friends who can guide you, and always be by yourside through hard and good time.

Actually, i have 2 clique of best friend..... first ngan yani and ijan...second is with ida and ct. when with ijan ngan yani, still ok becox we all ni lalalala and equal sebab semua lum kawen, but when with my seconds clique ni memang terasa seksangat both dah already happily married and i'm still masih mencari. Listen to their storied and everytning somehow, rasa diri cam kecil seksgt. But i know my time will come soon. But I absolutely impossiblely to get a guy by stabbing other gurl, or rampas kekasih org or what ever...... i have my dignity and i stick with it, tak guna kalo bahagia atas kesedihan org lain. Well, actually setiap org ada kisah cinta dia tersendiri, soo.... tak adil pulak kalo nak pandang serong pd org yg suka rampas or whatsoever ni.....itu hak memasing lah. UH...huh..... ni apsal lak masuk bab rampas cinta nih........ kalo ida baca ni confirm wa kena blasah harharhar...... I RESPECT other poeple dan setiap org ada kisah cinta dia tersendiri, so don't judge other people for what they have done........ as a human i have no right to do it.

Bout me and N, hmmmm....hehe i don't know what to say. Let time tell the story....... we will never know who will be our husband untill the akad is done......... So by now, i would really LOVE to be free, being like a bird, i just want to fly.......all over the world, and other people judge by the way they want. Because one thing most important is.... they don't know who i am.

I LOVE my friends coz they take me the way I am. They didn't question me if i did wrong...... I LOVE YOU Guys.....(IDacTiJAnyaniE)

My OLD day!!!

It almost 9.30pm at night and i'm in my home....whereelse faculty of forestry.... i was so busy till don't have much time to the place where at first i think i don't belong.... but well, 9 years is mean a lot off think.... i really miss my old friends yani, liza, dina/najwa, yana when we rushing to the class and jump to the fifth row of dewan kuliah hutan which already book for us accept that mustakim and muslim or kijing yg suka menyibok kacau row ktrg. With ijan, rin, nora, pokni and juli kat row bawah ktrg........ life seem like haven walaupun busy ngan kelas amali dan bla bla bla..... Rasa cam rindu zaman diploma..... hidup cam kanak2 ribena jer..... kalo sabtu ahad reramai ge KL, yani jd tour guide, paling takpun pg mines, beli maggi banyak2 time dapat loan, pastu simpan sampai akhir sem....... beratur pepanjang kat affin bank....harharhar.

But now i'm still standing here with these dam# mosquito....... then Fakri came from FRIM doing his master writting here. Siap pesan....baik2 kena denggi nanti.... hmmmm i just smile... i miss old day..... coz sometime trying to grown up is ....sorry to say... is quite tough....and difficult. I miss all myfriends........ i miss to just kutuk muslim and mustakim, i miss to meniru dalam test, i miss nak bawak toyol, miss kelas Sir Lim Meng Sai, miss kelas tuan hj. abdul rahman derus, menyampah ngan undang2 hutan yg mcm2 akta kena hafal yg confirm time test tak leh jawabnye, miss lepas kelas lepak kat marry brown, miss ukur pokok angkat, miss kutuk ct timah(she's my best friend now harharhar), miss amali wildlife kat sg.lalang...wildlife tak salah kan...., miss kem hutan time minum air masak perisa asap, then kena guling2 kt lumpur, miss sambut birthday reramai(me&yani), rasa cam kenangan tu semua baru jer berlaku........... i can't believe i'm 26 this year, felt more like 17....... still can't believe it......

Sekilas.....

I've being totally out off control of myself these weeks. I though my problem would be just fine, but soon i realised that deep down inside me, I'm suffered. So few days ago I'll just calm myself, relax by going out for a jog every evening. Trying to sniff a fresh air and last night i drove to CHERAS seeing my boyfriends which really-really release everything in my head. I knowed he suffered too but inside me within me beneath me I only think about him. But obeyed what our family said is something which is hard for us to do. We love each other but we don't know what will happen next........... we trying to just stop thinking the future. That's what we do and did...

I know day by day and year by year, God trying me with a lot of difficulty for me to handle. I won't surrender till the death end of my life and till the last drop of my blood. That's what i will do, i will become stronger and more stronger. One more biscuit won't hurt me. So now babeh!! concentrated .... u've got 2 exam this week, doing testing at FRIM, Kepong, do writting for the thesis.......... come on, come on......U Must do IT!! Coz U can Do IT!!! CHEAR UPPPPP!!

SUKA-DUKA

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24/7/08