Hati........ dimana kau ????

Aku tak tahu kat mana hati aku berada sekarang,

Tak makan lagi, lapar, tapi rasa cam malas nak makan,

Minum milo panas nak lega kan perut takut gestrik,

Tgh ready nak pg kelas, lepas kelas memang selamat aku nak BERAMBUS...

Tp tak tahu nak pg mana lg......!!!

Pg tadi aku dah abeh baca buku Zipporah-the wife of MOSES,

Such a brave lady......she was brave to life..!!

By the end of the story, she was killed to death

Againt!!! watak yg aku suka..... last2 MATI....

Hmmmmmm....................

Aku selalu wonder, that human being was a Khalifah....

Came to this world to spread the knowlegde n seeking for the ONE

the ONE which is ALLAH.....

Do i have fulfilled the task?

Am i capable for that?

Bare enough to do the job??

What happen when everyone arround me is still.....like me.... trying to find their ownselve.....to find who they are. Just like me, to find who I am....... surround with people who like to JUDGE with such UNJUST......

Am i hurt??? Sometime...............

GTG..... got class..!!! O' la......

Buku........(See life the way other people see.)

I have finish reading Sword song from Bernerd Cornwell, it was so fascinating so triumph..... i really fall in love with the book. Sadly Erik is dead..... !!! Come early these morning and i'm feeling so fresh.... somehow i was stunning when there is 2 books stay stood on my table....... its Sang Pemimpi and Laskar Pelangi from Andrea Hirata hot delivery from Indonesia. Thanx to IBAD and also Luqman too ...... and there's a yellow sticker stuck on the book cover......NOVEL TERLARIS DALAM SASTRA INDONESIA........ wow amazing....!!! Can't wait to read.......!!!

New years is coming...... i'm just stop myself from having a wish.... a target.... AZAM or what so ever b'coz i think when we happen to have a wish and a target.... it is with a package of HOPE..... which you HOPE everything will happen the way you want thing to be..... So for this year... no target wish AZAM or whatsoever........ just a PROMISE...to do the best i can in everything i do....and achieve.... I believe in ALLAH......and HE will guide me in everything i do. At least you don't felt disappointed when things not happen as what you wish.

I had a poet, which is quite cynical....... i'll post the entries later on because i wrote it in my diaries (Didn't bring her today!!) ... b'cos i think it's help me to see things the way other people see...... and hoping people see thing the way i see ..... Sometime and most of the time human are quite EGOISTIC. Me too, b'cos in everything we do, we want it to be according to what WE THINK THE WAY WE THINK...... its sometime OK but can you bare seeing the constraint there.

Eagly and Chaiken (1993), has stated that attitude is a psychological tendency that is expressed by evaluating a particular ENTITY with some degree of favor or disfavor. So i think that people will tend to be quite prejudice and maybe unfair when trying to judge other people OPINION according to their favor and disfavor. And i see the BEAUTIFUL thing in it.

Againt, i often think that people ATTITUDE and OPINION are parallel with their experience n their surrounding in life since childhood until they became mature. So each person has difference experience n surrounding so each one will present a difference ATTITUDE. As simple as (to myself also..!!) .... RESPECT other people opinion, b'cos u didn't experience the way they do ...... Some people has experience THE PAST which quite overwhelming..... some people maybe not..!!! Just RESPECT other people the way they are, as like they RESPECT you the way you are.

"ATTITUDES serve is to organize and simplify people's EXPERIENCE." ...

Eagly n Chaiken in Psychology of Attitudes....

See life the way other people do, you will fine the beautiful life in YOU......

Right Kind of Wrong

I live my days with such no words for me to recall. I think never too late yet to wish all bloggers an Awal Muharram of 1431. We can pray everything to God right?? So May Allah bless my New Year and grand me with a lots of GOOD REWARDS n happiness too n easy for me to settle my Master so i can find a new job which has a bonus every year and angpow every RAYA and PERMANENT too. Hahahaha... is it too specific..??? To be added .... the job is run a research. Because i like to mess my head struggling for a new FINDING........and also may Allah gave a brilliant brain which i do have now n upgrade it with a lots of ILHAM for me.... and hope to be even more nice to others soo they can be NICE to me too.... hehehe.  PS:- hope who ever read these said AMIN to my DOA..... kind like a constraint...Hmmm????

 MALAYSIAN Economic is still unstable. And I'm a little bit shock myself when my best friend said that she can't continued her contract for next year..... not b'coz i've choose her as my BANKER, well it is bcos i have the same dilemma like her myself n my contract will be end by next year. I felt soo bore afraid of something which i didn't reach yet....... huh...!!! Hope the thing will happen other around.... Hmmmmm...!!! Just maybe choose someone else as my banker, n hope they are generous as my "Now-Banker"....

Yeah.... being a jobless with such a lot of liability on your shoulder with a lot of dream to achieve. Duh..!!! I'm not gonna give up and just give in to what have written on your book of live. I'm a fighter...!! And these FIGHTER has her own LIFE that she ENJOYED..........n she won't give-up for the simple reason.

Tiba-tiba rasa kosong......

Tiba-tiba hati aku berasa kosong, seolah2 kehilangan sesuatu,

Perasaan nih lg dasyat dari putus cinta,
Lg dasyat bila time nak cucuk duit tapi baki duit xcukup….
Lg dasyat dari buat experiment tp tak jadi….
Lg dasyat drpd rasa bersemangat nak masak tp bila dah masak… rasa tak sedap

Tiba-tiba rasa cam sunyi semacam,

Rasa cam hidup tak lengkap… rasa cam tak confident….

Seolah2 aku dah kehilangan teman yg paling akrab…
Yang paling memahami aku dan gayaku….

Yang paling tak pernah melawan kehendak aku
Paling slumber ….mcm hidup aku…..

Sedih dan sepi seksgt….Selipar Jamban aku dah putus…


Walaupun harga dia tak semahal mcm kasut crocodile, mcm sandal caspia, kasut converse, highheel VISS, xes n blackhammer, kasut admiral, kasut climb jenama perancis…..
Tp. Sandal jamban tu lah yg paling selalu aku pakai…
Pakai pi shopping time sale,
Pakai nak ge main bowling ngn karaoke,
Pakai time ge library
Pakai time berekreasi, time mandi-manda kt sungai…
Time ada balak, aku pakai masa dating….
Dan paling selalu pakai…time nak pg kerjer …..
Pg kelas jer baru aku tukar pakai kasut converse takut kena halau keluar dewan,
Kalo pakai highheel… nnt jalan bunyi ketak ketuk cam model catwalk lak..!!


Kadang2 malu la jugak…..jln2 mid val ngn sogo pakai selipar jamban
Pg mkn tempat ada kelas …tp pakai selipar jamban
Pakai labcoat, bergaya cam scientist… tp pakai selipar jamban..
Pg mall bergaya cam artis, ngn anteng2 besar….. tapi pakai selipar jamban….
Kadang2 org lelaki selalu usher aku…. Misti dorank tak jadi ngurat sbb aku pakai selipar jamban…

Tapi aku tak kesah…. Sbb aku pakai aper yg aku selesa pakai..
Aku tak ikut kehendak dan kemahuan org lain…
Aku tak kesah org nak kutuk… sbb lam bonet keta aku tuh dah jd cam stor kasut…
Tapi selipar jamban yg beli kt pasar malam tuh jugak yg bg keselesaan kt aku….
Biarlah aper org nak kata…. Sbb kalo aku pakai selipar jamban aku tetap aku..
Kalo aku pakai kasut Jimmy Choo pun aku tetap jugak aku…
Oleh itu aku pilih pakai selipar jamban sbb confirm xmampu nak beli kasut Jimmy choo


Agak2 nya selipar jamban aku tu misti majuk ngn aku…
Sebab aritu aku ada cakap nak beli kasut shcoll kaler merah bata harga RM180…
Dah berangan2 nak jd mcm Dorothy lam wizard of oz….
Supaya aku tak ler rasa malu sgt asyik dok pakai selipar jamban harga RM7 jer….
Tu pasal la kot dia putus….majuk ngn aku….
Agaknya laaaa……… hhhhhmmmmmmm……. :-(

.........bdknakal...........

Separuh Jiwaku Pergi....

I had the most long cough of my life, i think it already reach 20 days since before Aidiladha.....n these is the most wierdess cough because my body temperature is unstable and i felt like terribly ichy when i want to breath, and its like something blocking my lung and there's also like something stuck on my alveolus. Maybe the bacteria has found their host n they love it.... damn it in my lung ...lol...!!

I went to Pusat Kesihatan UPM yesterday and within 2 minute the doctor said I'm fine my body temp is 36degree. I got a bottle of obatbatok..... maybe there's in hurried n me too (rushing for my wallclimbing). I didn't ask twice for what the pakcik told me... all i heard is.... ubat batuk nih tak akan mengantuk ngn mengkhayalkan...... i just like OK..... oooo good news, new invention for obat batok which will not make you felt sleepy. 1 tablespoon/10ml  per 4hours and don't reach until 40ml. So i take 2 tablespoon/20ml because the taste is good n i want it to felt better FAST. I'm OK.... i'm good .... and can climb the wall easily. Nothing happen..

So these morning before send my car for major service, i take another 2tablespoon, then ask Ipin picking me up to the Office.... however within 1hour, i felt....weng weng .... already, its like an alcoholic, halucination and hardly walk to SURAU.... and happily weng weng for another 4hours. When proton called for my car, i just like OK...... probably if i drove .... i can't diffrentiate whether i'm on the road or in the longkang ....huh...... Should check with the bottle when i reach home...... really BAD invention...... Next time doublecheck (advice for myself..!!).

I listen to the radio HOTFM these morning and their topic is about having a SCANDAL.... i was like a little bit mad listening to some idiotism idea. But then i think positive because i didn't married yet, so i don't know the felling of mariage life. But when compare to the phenomenal happen in my Faculty ...the scandal thing!!!.... i just like..... urrggghhh..!!! It just like these, God had made you to the upper level of human being but all you do is put your PRIDE to the very lowest LEVEL........

Yeah...just think POSITIVE...you not married yet, you don't know how they felt...!!

You struggling hard to find you LOVE of your LIFE... then married with her, having a kids, having a bless family......... n when your wife is busied with the kids n household..... you having a SCANDAL outside for fun ....... Yeah COOL........ is these what we called LOVE.....???? How's CHEAP....!!! Am i gonna married with these kind of guy...?? .... May i have the objective answer and the choises too...!!

Listen to these song.... its really touch my heart from the first time i heard it.

Cinta bukan mengajar kita lemah,

tetapi membangkitkan kekuatan...

Cinta bukan mengajar kita mengHINAkan diri,

tetapi menghembuskan kegagahan...

Cinta bukan melemahkan semangat,

tetapi membangkitkan semangat.

-HAMKA-

Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wick

Di...da...di........

Ai ....ya...ya.....

Intensive training with VCD yoga dumble and jogging my thigh was cramped already....

Today had a boulder training at Putrajaya Outdoor Centre.....

In everything we do, we have to have a target... and...

I'm targetting for MY FIRST rock climbing LEAD......

I'm gonna LEAD.....

I read an ANDY CAVE books,

U have to have a strong leg in order to LEAD...

I'll do IT then.....

About STUDY.....

My Supervisor had advised me that you can't wait for the idea to come,

You gotta push n force the idea to come out....

Yeah...with FB n bloggers around.....

Huh......insatiable....!!

Library is better....... chow....

Di da di...di da di da di da di.... di da di....

Slapstick......

Let ME laught for another few minute...more....

 We (me, yanie, k.ina n k.ita) ...went to Aida wedding yesterday at Tangkak Johor. Aida is yanie junior at KMR college also our junior in Fac. Forestry n now they working at Jab. Hutan. I knew Aida for many years as a student in a same faculty n she was Zai bestfriend afterall, i started close with her when we start working as a partimer at Taman Warisan... wake-up early morning with sleepy eye and then memBONCENG her Kamcai before i had my VIVA..... such a sweet memory to remember, she always make a joke to ride my VIVA, yet we never had a chance to do soo.......until now she's gettin' married. Nway.... happy bless MARRIED Aida n hubby.........

Ok the story is like these.... when we reach to Aida's house, Zai n Aida was makin' a joke that they've already taken the sirih prepared for Yanie........ After seeing their face, i was thinking that they are just bluffing with the idea..... Probably some of you guy's had NO idea what i was talking....... it's like these, Malay's Believed that if you take a sirih at SIRIH JUNJUNG on other people wedding, you might PROBABLY gettin married soon..... After Zai and Aida makin' a joke, Yanie with her stern face was just smilling.

And I make a conclusion that yanie n k.ina didn't believe it, it just somewhat an old tradition that had already forgotten by the young modern thinking youth. I want to take it, but i was a little bit shy also afraid that  people will called me patheticallly orthodox.... and thinking, "They have create that Sirih Junjung so beautifully, howcame you just came in the sudden and stole it... it's not good attitude right...." A phrase that i used to calm my heart.

When we going back, about 5km away from Aida house...... K.ina was talking...."Aik ... kuat gler bau sirih.." With my puzzling face, i was watching her digging something in her handbag..... n then Yanie shout...." TADAAAAA......!!" They both burst into laught.........

Damn it lah..... these two MODERN gurl, had stole the SIRIH without telling me, I was totally piss off...... n want to cry too..... "How came you guy's stole it without telling me.... i want to get married too, turn back.... turn back..... i wanna take my SIRIH....." Yanie was histerically laught and said that Zai had manage to slip the sirih into her bag...... K.ina add..."You can't tell other people that you take it.It won't work".... I just ...... FINE......

They were excited with the sirih and started to eat it......... i just don't have mood n pleased myself by saying that K.Ita also didn't take the sirih.... and then K.ita reply...... "Well akak akan kawen bulan 4 thn depan." ......harrrrrrggggghhhhh .... i was shouted, it's look like only me whom played the role of stupid naive gurl......again...!!!!

I ask K.ina..... "can you gave half of the sirih to me"........ somehow Yanie reply....."Mana boleh.... nnt kongsi suami.." They burst into laught again......and saying to each other...not included me, let see whom married next year n whether that theory will work or not..!!........... Haaaaarrrgggggggggggg .....!!

FINE....!! FINE....!! FINE...!!

Saper punya kenduri pasni....... aku nak CURI sirih......!!!!

Sweet Chat Cafe

I was addicted to chocolate drink for the past few days.....

So after went to EVERGREEN Cheras with Iza to find a climbing shoe,

I heading straight to MINES for the tea break....

And had a lust of chocolate drink at sweet chat cafe....

With BIG APPLE doughnut say cheese and green tea flavour.....

The chocolate drink was sooo... rich with chocolate

Its like I ate a large size of cadbury bar...

Chocolate melt with creamy and icecube in the middle ...

and topping with a scoop of Vanilla icecream...

Apart from that.... they gave me a few free voucer for next visit which i gave to IZA

Sound great right....!!!

well IT IS NOT....

The thing is, i was curious with the vanilla icecream..??

There is a little bit taste of DURIAN in it....

Maybe they share the scope spoon with other ice-cream.....

My stomach was like gettin' a terrible war inside....

I was nutralise my body with a lots of water and not to move so much

....its look like i wanna muck.... termuntah....

I tried to search for the website at the voucer
http://www.sweetchatcafe.com.my/

to see what kind of ingredient they put.....

Lucky me, the site is still under construction......

I was smilling NOW.....really is...

Felt like my body temperature was raise and felt cold beneath me....

SERAM SEJUK already....

NOW...!!!!

I was STAND-BY to SPEAD UP as fast as i can to the toilet...

before i thrown up in these bilik siswazah room....

Chow.....

Example of a chocolae drink.....probably it is vanilla ....think positive.....+ + + +

Boring....!!!

I felt like BLANK....

Well, i win the third place for best poster at the conference....

There's nothing bcos' it will be just the beginning...
Not even i care about the money,
To built the NAME n TRUST is more important....
Whatever.......
It'll be just the beginning....

I felt empty again......

Afraid that the thing that we really WANT,

will someday be gone extinctionally....

Afraid to lost someone......

Even more afraid to tell the trust about the feeling.....

I'll just wait day by day ...for his illusion to get off from my head,

But since then, it kept even more stronger.

I don't knew whether he felt the same way like me.....

I don't even want to knew......

And i always make a conclusion it just my own delusion

and to just stayed away and off the road...

You might hurt youself.... someday...someway...

You might just did.....

Concentrated on your study......
It will be just the random note........
The note from my deeply heart....n soul...
The heart which is emptied and still searching
..........for the sense of belonging.

JOGGING......

NANA with makngah n maksu

Quite busy right now, for sure.... with another part time job, and then conference in the middle with poster presentation and had to submit full paper...... but i felt happy after realize how much cool i am for handling all those bustle with style.... hahaha......

I miss celebrating Aidiladha with my parents....  i miss going back to Kampung also. However lucky me, for my sister didn't going back to kampung, his husband is working. So the night before raya, we celebrated it with watching Malay Funny Ghost Movie (forgot the title) n then wake up late (yeaawww..!!). Then we cook Mee Curry..(seriously...yummy..!!!) n i recall back myself by watching Princess Hour. In the meantime i sms YANIE whether she interested went for a JOG with me. She was wake up late TOO.....rather late then me....hah..!! So she pick me up at 2.30pm i was ready to jog with my converse sneakers, we went to IKEA...hahaha.

After having a blast of imagination, hoping that some of the design will be place in our house, with more lucky using all our husband money..(hahaha..), so we went hungry, the almond cake is ..... superb, delicous, excelante`. And i'm having the salmon fillet and meatball for Yanie. I think, i quite prefer the raw salmon.... some people say YIKES, but it taste good n i LUV it.

As a present to myself (duh...how many present did i get, yet not improved anything....lalalalala.) I bought a new bookcase for myself. With 4 shelf, enought to place all my book not included the magazine, the height of bookcase is 2meter hehehe. Forgot the design name, i take the picture latter on for my NEW ROOM IMPROVEMENT (fight with yanie..she's got new bed for herself n still finding the suit TV rack)....yet not finish, i want to buy a chiffon and sew with my PARIO, to make a curtain. The idea is in my head, yet i dont have time to buy the chiffon. And probably there's gonna be a green plant or a small aquarium...hmmm what happen when i was away, whose gonna take care of them.????  Hahahaha...i'm gonna make my room look like a hotel. YEAH....!!!

On saturday, i wake up early after subuh, i went for a REAL jog at taman tasik kepong with my lil' sister. With the target to jog around the lake. However i reach there, i do realise how big it is.... and then i told my lil' sis.. just probably we reach half of this lake and then we turn back. She was happy wit my idea, and then not even reach a quarter....ok half of the quarter... i felt like i wanna go to the toilet... and ask my lil sis to just go ahead, i'll be back in the second. And then i realise how FAR the jogging track to the parking area and then to the toilet. When i was finish everything, on my way to trace back where my sister is..... the rain is comming. Sooo..... the end of my JOGGING story......

Just for fun....enjoy my one and only niece so far.......

"Nama caya Dayangku Nursalina @ Adrina"

Budak Buchuk......!!!!

Kuat mengamuk......!!!

Excited tgk muka sendiri lam laptop.........sampai naik atas keyboard....jgn apa2 kan ek sayang, makngah baru je beli laptop nih. Utang ngn atok ngn nenek pun belum abeh bayor lg.....

Choose to be KIND today

They are cute...... hehe



And also these....hallo gorgeous..!! hallo gorgeous...!!

Carilah KU dalam hatiMU.......

As according to your letter......

"actually aku xderla nk komen pasal cite ko ni...cume aku nk luah sikit..semalam aku terbuka satu album ni(kat bangi umah mak aku)..album ni jer yg aku xdan nk bawak balik bkt mahkota..xtau nape aku saje tinggalkan album tu..then last nite aku sajer tgk album tu..hmmmmm xsangka lak dalam album tu ade banyak sgt kenangan lama masa diploma..tetibe aku teringat ape silap aku sampai dia dumb aku cam tu..kat dunia ni kan xder sorang pun yg sempurna..aku tgk album tu balik...mmg byk sgt kenangan n aku menitik air mata bile teringat semua tu..ko penah tgk cite satu garisan..yg mane org alim jadi xalim...org yg nakal jadi baik..cite tu mmg bagus..kalo dulu aku nakal pun xbermakna aku nakal selamanye..ni bukan parti UMNO dulu, kini dan selamanyer..ape pun aku bersyukur dengan kehidupan sekarang..cuma aku agak terluka sbb kene dumb mcm tu je..mcm aku ni xde hati dan perasaan..k dear..lebiu.."

Dear NOQS,

Hargghhh..... jgn ler wat citer sedih cam nih Noqs. Kdg2 wa  terpikir gak cam lu, naper menyemak sgt kepala otak kalo pikir pasal benda2 yg dah lepas ni tetambah pasal X's kita. Tp lama2 wa pikir positive pas wa dgr Ecah cakap yg semua X-BF dia tu menyemakkan kepala dan sgt2 membuang masa after dia jumpa ngn Hubby dia skang. Wa rasa betul jugak apa yg ecah cakap tu...............

Cuma apa yg menyebbkan Tuhan wujud kan dorank tu probably nak kita belajar something, entah lah apa yg bakal kita belajar tapi memang akan ada something yg kita akan belajar yg kita sendiri tak sedar. Mcm aper yg wa belajar dari ajib, first is .... jgn terlalu percaya org... wa ada aplikasikan tapi tak sepenuhnya la....hahaha.... sbb gue percaya yg tuhan wujud kan manusia lain supaya kita saling bantu membantu. You gotta trust other people in order to get the trust back. Yang  belajar dari Bro (hantu..!!) is....ermmmm takyah lah nak control org mcm ko control robot.... robot kalo control 24/7 pun bleh rosak.......ni kan pulak manusia yg ada akal. Yg Xbf last...... hmmm....plan ahead, don't just plan according to what you want, think twice before make a decision and be patient. HUH..!!

Aper2 pun believe in ALLAH, ramai org akan meninggalkan kita, kalo kita ada barang yg berharga...one day barang tu akan hilang atau rosak.....tapi ALLAH tidak. DIA tak pernah meninggalkan kita walaupun kita selalu lalai dan lupa............. walaupun mcm2 org mengata atau mengutuk kita, bg wa biarkan..... they are not my god........ My God is ALLAH. You can judge whatever you wanna judge about me, but ALLAH never judge me, HE gave us courage and free to choose whatever we wanna be.... in a matter of that if we prayed to HIM, He was always there for us......

BE PATIENT....... Allah will show you the way....... maybe not today and tomorrow..... just wait for the moment  to come. In a matter of that....PRAYED to HIM.......

Your Sincerely Friend That luv u,

   Yatt             

:-)              

Three cup of tea.......

I tried to find this book (suggested by Ibad), but it’s quite expensive at the MINES which is merely RM50. Three cup of tea is about a climber of K2 has been lost and injured. On the way down, he found a poor Pakistanian village, and the villages help to cure him. After that he going back to America and promise them to come back and built a school for gurl. He collects the donation, in a matter of just built one school he manages to build 55 instead. Such encouraging……. Gotta hav’ these when I had extra money…. Also The Mistress of the Game the other sequal of The Master of the Game……I’m a die hard fan of Sidney Sheldon. And guess what, I didn’t even have books of him on my rack…. Because there’re expensive!!!! Even if you try to find it in secondhand bookstore at Central Market…. The price is still rm25 ++.

Yet....temptalizing..!!!

How I read Sidney Sheldon books? Well, when in form 3, my bestfriend’s (MASH) uncle has coming back from Monarch University in Australia. And he has lots kind of book collection because it was cheap there for about 4 to 7 dollar. Her uncle tutoring n suggested her for Sidney Sheldon to improve her English skill, she hates reading so she past it on me so I can read it and tell her the whole story hahaha….. we rotate one book for every 2 weeks. So now….. After count my luck, I just miss 4 books from the whole collection of sidney sheldon…… kuikuikui…..

So i have bought these month and last month collection books. Got The Soldier’s Wife (Rachel More), Sword Song (Bernard Cornwell), Digging to America (Anne Tyler), In the Country of men (Hisham Matar) and Zipporah–wife of moses (Marek Halter). Another book which I must have is LASKAR PELANGI-sang pemimpi …. It is famous in Indonesia, also has been suggested by Ibad. Probably should find it at The Border…. The Garden, Mid Valley. Hmmm……or I just ask Ibad to buy for me…. He’s going back to Indonesia for Aidiladha…… yes..!! Got solution……yee haaa…!! TATA

Paper SHIP....

It was raining outside, and i was stuck in my car..... however i remembered when i was a little kids, the intention to play in the rain, but haven't got a courage because either my mom will lock the door and of coz' the cane is the second present. And then i was thinking, why don't i wrote a poem....

Soo these is what i got...!!!

The rain is heavy these evening,

Plough the emptiness of the bank,

And the dryness of Mr. sand,

The water flowed tendering the eye of beholder,

Replenish the heart of emptiness,

And I feel joy......

Remembered when i was a kid,

The lane that i should never forget,

When rain is coming,

I was readdy with a lots of paper ship....

Ready when the water is fulled

Trying to sail my ships,

So it can cross the river and the sea,

And land in your heart,

Till you can feel, the way i felt......

 4.03pm

20/11/09

People See Me Cry....(YESTERDAY story)

I was CRY... when i see my face in the mirror its really OMG......, I went to the office anyway and reach there at 11 o'clock in the morning, I was so mess and tired after coming back late the other night. Hang around with SHU, Luqman (Student; from indonesia) his friend Darno and Ibad and also Fandra whom just arrived in Malaysia. We played squash at stadium. You must have guess hows my face is....

 Everyone was seeing me like unbelievable-face i ever see in them, they'd tried to avoid me...... When i see Zaty asking about her project she ask me...."Kak yat menangis ker..??" .... i was stuck there...and answer NO. And then i went to see my Second Supervisor to inform her about the test that i've reach so far at FRIM, i realize how she was trippin' on words trying to find the best consonance .... (Not to hurt my feeling..!!)... when talking to me...!!

I was just like.... WHAT HAPPEN TO THESE PEOPLE.....???

I'm not crying because of myself....... i'm crying because i'm soo sad seeing the episode of The Little Nyonya...on ntv7. How could they do that to Yue Niang .... She was soo ...... i dont knew what to said. See the drama yourself......Its really GOOD..And ayat dia yg paling berkesan dlm hati aku....... sob...sob...sob......(Harharhar...)

Lebih baik utk hidup setahun dengan orang yg kita cintai,

Daripada hidup 100 tahun dengan orang yg kita tidak cintai...........

OK..... I get it......

To the person it may concern..............

:-)

I LOST MY TOUCH

My world has totally lost for now, I tried to figure it out…. I’m totally lost for sure, I don’t have mood for anything. And I make a conclusion the situation happen because of few problems that I face. Include about my study, my life and my family.


A few months ago, I had a dream that a big centipede, it really big for me its like a mutant or something came to threaten our FAMILY but my father had kill that creatures until vanished it head, but it still alive and try to threatening my sister but she had a chance to escape and that poor animal attack me and I just stood still without do anything because I’m afraid that creatures will bite me. And now I realize that the most poison part in centipede is …it tail duhh… Allah will guide me..!! I don’t think much about the dream, it just a sign and probably its nothing, just be careful.

But I do hate dreams about snake, eeaauuwwww…….when it bite u, it’s really hurt, the slippery skin….. damn eeaauuwww…….Malay believe that, when you dreamt about snake, that mean you will get married soon, when it bite you, that mean you will get married to the person u with ….at that moment…. Yeah I’ve dreamt about snake few time, and often I run away (har3) because I’m was sooo scared eeaaauuww menggelikan, there’s one dream, a small green snake had bite me on my right shoulder, I was so scared and I asked a scissors from my sister so we do an operation and cut that (poor you!!) snake into two piece. End of the story. Nowaday when I want to go to sleep I always pray to Allah not to dream about snake, b’cos I’m not ready yet…..and it sooo scary (Wonder that’s why I didn’t get married)….harharhar….

About my study, I have to just keep pushing myself… that what I suppose to do. Do the very best for my last scroll because probably there’s no more PHD for me. My family needs me. I have to sacrifice ….. yeah…. Final decision…!!! About my life, there’s nothing interesting. That’s all……

Oppss… one more thing is I read a JANGAN BERPUTUS ASA books from Hamdan Lutfi, reach 400 page there’s another 150 more to go, he said if you have a chance; gave a present to yourself for what have you achieved. So I gave a new re-bonding hair for myself. It’s look good, b’cos when I wake up in the morning, inspired of I see ghost in the mirror, I see a lady which trying hard and have fun in her life…. Har3…

Sa Rang in ga yo.......

I'm MuMblinG.........

I was release at last, after shruggling with more then 300 page of 1349 page of handbook of pulp, i've found valuable method for my study....i'm sooo overjoyed........cool, will start my labwork nextweek. Hopefully..!! Gotta be a busy week with testing and handsheet makin' at FRIM...... I was a little bit sad when UMA came and said that if we send the notice started these month probably we will grad in 2011. I was really hope to settle everything before JULY next year so i can grad on August......well, bad news right. Whatever....as long as i finish my Master.

Suppost to have a wall-climbing at shah alam tonight, but Exit cancel it coz Macheng have last minute on-call, soooo.... i'm gonna replace it with squash with SHU and LUQMAN. Yeee haaaa.....the things is, my hand is still felt itchy, numb and a little bit hurt when i grab something heavy.... yeah after playing squash few days ago. I'm gonna see what will happen after tonight, maybe i should went for an X-ray..... i'm afraid to see the crack .... hopefully not that worst, stupid imagination.......gurl stop it..!!

Well, i guess everyone has in fact ..... accidently LIKE someone when you didn't realise because of what, why and how. Well i'm in that kind of delusion myself....right now. It STUPID right. It really is..... because when I see everything, it's like i see his face in everything..... is these what we call ANGAU. Duhh...!! Get off from me ....you ANGAU thing..!! Well, i hate him at first place, because i thought that his somewhat like an ARROGANT, well....now it seem like his not.....his pleasantly humble!!!

Yeah stop thinking positive way...just anything negative like probably his gay or something.... yeah see whether that ANGAU will get off from me or not...!! I make a conclution....he's gay.......good for me...!!

He is the KIng of Fruit

I think every person has their own elergy-to-something, i had a friends whose elergy to seafood (CT and Ida), some elergy to vegetables (Shahrini), some elergic to taugeh, my-lil-bro elergic to shrimp and to name a few. Well in my case, i am elergic to durian. When i was a little kid i do eat durian somewhat like seulas setahun, when i grown up the things get even more worst. I can't even smell the durian. The gasses itself,  it was like I want to thrownaway/"termuntah".

When i became a teenagers, i said to my mum that i hate durian. And she recall me back by saying that when she was pregnant with me, she can't even smell the durian even she LOVE durian soo much. Sooo, i had an intensity hate over durian since i was in my mum belly..... i don't know why....

So nowaday, when i was accidently walk near the durian stall or someone who eat durian, i will close my nose, B'COS i can't stand with the smell. I do afraid that i might thrownaway, and for god sac, loose your appetite. It is not something that i do it in purpose, its more like a nature of me.

I do realise that people often look at me.. like i fake it, acting, and maybe they think that i'm more like mengada-ngada or maybe Melayu Tak Sedar Diri .... or something. It hurt me and it does... it is not something that i want, it happen by the name of god..... and i still hasn't knew why....!!!

When i smell certain varieties of durian, i can thrown in just a second, but i can stand with certain variety which is not too hard smell. I also do not have a problem with durian which is harvest 2 to 3 days from the dusun and i don't have a problem with tempoyak too, the thing will get worst if the durian has been soo long harvest, about a week or something.... i just can smell it from half kilometer away.....

When i smell the durian, First it goes straight to my head and brain and then to my stomach, often i felt like dizzy, blur and then i want to trown....... sometime the thing will get worst and my body temperature will raise and i will get DEMAM. I happen to get demam three time in my life because of the smell of these durian.......

And still people said that i fake it........ I don't knew how to explain to them that since i knew world i have been surrounding with durian tree. I live in Kampung Dusun, and my dad do has the ochard. I'm not that melayu tak sedar diri.... i just couldn't stand with the smell.... i do not need a people respect for my elergic, i just want pople to tell me that they want to eat durian soo i can go away from that place.... i respect them and i don't want to thrownaway in front of their feet...if that is your wish, then i can do it..with pleasure!!!

Enought with today, my head is still dizzy.....got to have a hot tea or something. Chow..!!

Plagiarism.....Pleasurism.....May i choose..??

NOTE: These is an EDUCATIONAL industries and it is not a POLITICAL activities....

I don't know where to start, but me with some of my fellow friends has been discuss these for many years, and still we haven't got the right specific concrete answer for these QUOTE. Its really not a question its more into penalty... so i note it as a QUOTE, its really look more polite... i think...

Now let us flew to a time before a century when pablo picaso has his painting, when galileo galilea has claim his telescope, Plato with his i-didn't-understant-his-philosophy-book, Da vinci had his Monalisa still people nowaday arguing that ladies is actually himself indeed, Vasco da gamma claim his the men of the cape of hope, and Mr. columbus claim his the founder of america when the land has been used for indegenius for making dried salty fish....hearing and salmon...yummy!!

Even they have a mentor, they...themself has been noted with their own hardwork... Has been known, has been quote by THEIR name, not by the mentor or people whom supply the money....

If that happen, well you must has guess how many quotation of King Henry IV or maybe socrates...... to be worst...... "we put some salt and dried it in the land so it is much easy for us to transport it and sold it. (Indigenous people, 1208)"

Such a pleasure isn't  it..........

SAYA TIDAK TAKUT PADA SESUATU YG DINAMAKAN KEBENARAN

Bukit Broga, Semenyih

Wow.... my life has been full with activities each week which reopen again my heart and my life for a new beginning. It soo amaze to have a friends along and reupdate about their life and the latest gosip around, which make me realize that my life is not too bad or whatsoever.........cool yeah...

So these is a few friends that make XPDC to Bukit Broga came to real life..... Having so much fun there..!! Eventhou these XPDC is somewhat BELASAH punya type....dgn tak tahu sgt jalan....petunjuk ktrg satu jer iaitu ladang kelapa sawit sebelah dia ladang arnab..... memang mengagau mencari dengn 2 3 keta follow ktrg pastu ktrg sesat, ktrg pulak follow dorank, pastu dorank pulak sesat....last2 tanya org.. rasa cam progrm explorace lak...(pepagi buta pukul 4.30am mcm dah takder kejer sgt!!)

Pas parking keta kt ladang kelapa sawit terus shoot naik bleh tahan la trek dia...just ramai gler org yg naik rasa dalam 300 org kot and bukit tu ada beberapa puncak. Nora, exit, goku ngn nadia lepak kt puncak num.1 tapi aku ngn rasul shoot sampai puncak yg hujung skali.... puncak num.4 and paling tinggi. Memang puas gler sbb berjya mengeluarkan peluh dgn bnyknya.....hehe view memang cantik sbb leh nampak seluruh pekan semenyih... biler siang pemandangan dah macam padang rumput new zealand yg mcm iklan lam TV tuh.....

KAMI............

Petang tuh pas makan nasik ngn goreng ayam masak kicap. Teman Exit nak wat contact lans kt Jusco Equine, belum masuk parking lg dah nampak banner SALE, aku dah tak senang duduk, melangkah jer masuk Jusco terus nampak longgokan baju RM10, RM15, sale 50%, sale 70%..... oh dugaan apakah ini... dah la gaji masuk hujung bulan depan, dgn penuh nekad aku nak shopping jugak.... stok megi ngn makanan lain aku dah beli bnyk2.... kang takder ler kebulur sgt. Pastu otw nak balik jumpa lg sale pakaian sukan tgh2 jusco, tak cari pintu masuk terus main redah jer palang dia...... harharhar...capai sportbra...sale 50% dowh swazenbach..... mana nak dapat. OTW nak keluar jumpa lg sale 50% seluar jogging....bantai..!!! Sampai exit cakap... takper pasni kalo tak cukup makan goreng jer baju tu masak kicap... seluar gigit sikit2.... hehe..

Takper buat jer muka seposen, misti ada org kesian kt aku nnt.....

The Climb

I when shopping for my grocery yesterday and stop-by at bookstore which sold a 2ndhand book, so i grab these Life and Death on Everest. It was soo tantalizing and very encouraging.......

"When you're around that kind of confidence, you adopt it yourself, and you keep moving forward whether it be on one of the most beautiful walks on Earth or, like Hillary, to the top of the world."

It was not glory we sought, unless it be the common glory of man's triumph over Nature and over his own limitations.

Ed's the sort of person who, if he's asked to do something and he can't think of a reason not to, he'll go ahead and do it.

The thing that amazes me, in a way, is that it all keeps going. But i think i have a clear idea why. I think a lot of people rather like the fact that i haven't just climbed mountains but also builts schools, hospitals and all the rest of it. So in a way i've given back to the people all the help they gave me on the mountain.

- Sir Edmund Hillary

Ok enought for today, a reading while having my breakfast, some nescafe with sausage and crabstick mound together with mayo, mustard and chilli sauce......... cool yeah!! I reach to the office before 8am, as not-really usual, got to do some lab work...... panaskan my engine to do my work on friday morning.... what a full of spirit........while everybody was ready for a weekend.....

Duh..... what a gurl...!!! (U may read it in sceptical way...!!)

Saya Seekor Tikus.....

Semalam aku menghabiskan tugas aku menanda kertas amali budak…. Ada satu amali lagi tak siap. Mungkin sebab dah last amali budak2 punya lukisan, masyaallah…. Sakit kepala ngn mata nak menanda…. Nak bg sikit kang kesian pulak kat budak… nak bg markah bnyk…. Humangaih…. Naik migrant nengok lukisannya…. Lukis phylum: porifera (sponge)…rupa dah macam kapal selam/ kapal UFO pun yer jugak. Nak jer aku scan then tunjuk lam blog nih, nasib baik aku takder peralatan berteknology mcm scanner, lukis tikus mcm lukisan budak tadika….. tension jerr!! Lukis lizard dah macam dinosaur kaedahnya…….Lukis lamprey lak cam batang penyapu……Harrggghhh…tekanan..!!

Menanda kertas amali budak memang mencabar, rasa cam nak terputus urat kepala.

Saya seekor tikus.....!!

Belalang yg terkejut......

Tikus yg mati tertelan racun tikus....

KEBETULAN.....

Aku tak pernah mengenalinya,

Tapi kenapa hati terasa terlalu rapat dan dekat dgn nya.....

Seolah-olah i knew him for the rest of mylife....

Its weird, like a dejavu....

Everyday i pray to Allah for take him away from me,

But it seem like, he was still there...

We not even close....not even had a chat with each other,

I'm not even knew him....

I do think that he never did realize of my existance.

May Allah send my regard to his heart....

May Allah care for him and gave strength for him....

Kadang-kadang....kebetulan adalah sesuatu yg sgt INDAH

Sangat INDAH......!!!!

Biar cinta terhalang gunung dan samudera, aku tetap memegang janjiku padamu.....

JGN pisahkan AKU dan DIA.....

DARE to face TOMORROW.....

My life is totally ups and down for the past few week, gonna tune back and trace back where my spirit has gone for a holiday (har3...!!). Hey Ms. spirit, ain't mean nothing when you just walk by here and there, come back to my body, we settle everything together......... kahkahkah....

Problem is something that you have to learn to settle it, if you can't settle that problem then you may run away and save your butt, while ME, why i have to run away when i never did try as hard as i can to settle that problem, everything were just mess completely mess, i will settle it one by one. If i can't settle it then i will run away. Harharhar.................. 

Got to face it........one more biscuit won't hurt me.!!

PS:- When i had a chocolate drink, i will became happy an hyperactive, duuhhh......really fast effect on my body......................

  

SEmalam ......

Semalam i'm having a tea break with MIRA at secret recipe ALAMANDA

Panjang jugak laa dskusi ktrg, bnyk yg aku kena cut,

But the main point is .... having a steady other-half

Kadang2 aku pikir aku nak ada other-half nih,

Kadang2 pikir cam tak ready lagi, mcm menyemak jer kalo ada...har3

Abeh cam no...!!

Ramai org kata yg aku belum jumpa yg betul2 utk aku.....

Ramai gak org kata takyah cari, nnt dia datang sendiri....

Aku memang tak cari, tapi apahal tak dtg2 lg.... hhmmm..wonder..!!!

Ramai org kata muka ko nih garang tak senyum langsung,

Bnyk gak org kata camtu kt aku.... XBF's pun cakap camtu...

Abeh tu takkan aku nak menyengih jerr.... kang org pikir aku nih tak betul pulak....

Aku teringat lagi masa aku thn 90-an, ada drama Jepun pasal sornk pompuan cantik sgt dan mempunyai kerjaya yg sgt establish, tapi satu jer problem dia sbb umur dah lanjut and tak kawen lg. Pompuan nih terlalu perfect sampai lelaki tak berani nak tackle dia. Body dia cantik and tinggi cam model. Pompuan nih gak actually masih dok mengharapkan X-bf dia yg memang hensom and sgt2 matching la dorank nih. Somehow, ader sornk laki yg minat kt dia, tapi muka laki nih memang stok pecah umah laa.... kejer pun tak stabil. Serius muka laki tu memang huduh gler dah la pendek lak tu, apek jual sayur pun ada rupa tau.

At the end of the stori, laki tu cuba nak propose pompuan tu, pompuan tuh reject so laki nih pun kecewa dia blah. Somehow, pompuan tuh terpikir balik kenapa nak reject lelaki tu sbb hanya laki tu jer yg berani proposed dia walaupun dgn penuh bersusah payah, how came kalo laki tuh boleh membahagiakan dia, how came kalo lelaki tuh memang cinta sejati dia. Last2 dia pg kejar laki tuh, sampai tepi jalan and hujan pun turun, dia bg tahu yg dia terima lamaran lelaki tuh........ time tuh laki tu dah gabra sbb dia dh buang cincin propose tuh ntah ke mana, last2 pompuan tu amek skru tepi jln and laki tu sarungkan skru tu kt jari pompuan tuh.... the end

Moral of the story: kalo kita perfect confirm kawen ngn org tak perfect.... mcm yin and yang, moral yg lain tuh korank cari sendiri. So nih lagu promo utk drama tu yg still sampai skng aku minat lg lagu nih......

Raison d'etre

Minggu lepas aku sakit perut yg menyucuk seksgt sbb makan makanan pedas tanpa kontrol, so start minggu lepas aku tak der selera nak makan, berat aku turun balik maybe area 47kg. Time ge open house jer baru aku jamah nasi, sebelum2 tu bantai bubur MCD jer hari2, sbb aku takder mood nak masak. Semalam makan nasi lemak tp amek sambal sikit jer, ptg tu makan dori fish kt secret recipe, arini masak telur campur frankfurter goreng pastu letak cheese ngn sos cili sikit..... kena kawal makanan sekarang nih takut perut aku buat hal lg, then taknak gestrik aku dtg balik....siksa dowh..!!

And for sure dua tiga minggu nih, aku memang LEMAU gler2 nak wat kerjer, lantak ar kalo dornk kt cni asyik tgk aku layan FB, tulis blog or asyik dok baca blog org jerr... suka hati aku aaa!!!. Rasa dah give up sgt2 dan skang tahap berserah jer lah. Tapi lama2 aku pikir.... this is really not me; personally i'm a person who'd love to gain an input and satisfied with what i did, love to take a challenge. Somehow, my master project is full with challenge WITHOUT gaining any INPUT. I do notice that the ability and capability here is still at lowest level, upon stead stool and do nothing i tried my best to overcome it, tried to cover here and there. Find the solution and do the best i can. I tried to stand in front but the situation and surrounding kept pulling me back. RIGHT now... i don't need an idea, all i need is to SETTLE the problem. I heard a lot of idea for the past two years...from very different people and background!! I'm sick of it.... at the end there's only left me, epy and uma to settle everything. Everything on our shoulder and head. You must have guess how mess we're become. 

Bru2 nih supplier hanta chemical lg, dah 3 kali hantar masih dalam bentuk yg difference walaupun num.siri yg sama, nak jer aku mengamuk, tapi relex jer aku ckp baik2 tapi dlm hati aku hanya tuhan jerr yg paham. Dah la nak dapat each chemical tu dekat 2bln baru ada stock. Aku biar jerr chemical tu atas meja, jgn harap nak bg PO, sampai aku dpt exactly yg aku nak. Now i'm gonna teach people how mean i am. Get it or GET OUT....!!! Belum lg part testing yg dah masuk 2 bulan terbengkalai sebab conditioning room kt FRIM rosak. Very goverment.....!!! Dah la seluruh Malaysia nih, testing pulp and paper kat FRIM tu jer....... bengang sgt nih...!!

Pasni saper nak cakap ngn aku.... kira nasib ko tu baik sgt laa kalo tak kena maki.....

Yang Water Rafting ni pun satu hal, last2 minute bukan nak bg tahu tarik diri... bengang aku. Woi, kalo dinghi tu aku bleh kayuh sensorg .... tak hingin aku nak ajak ramai org. Aku pegi sensorg ..... paham!!
HEHE.... mcm org gler plak kayuh dinghi sensorg.........

I'm totally down....

To be sure thats what i've felt for the past two weeks,

I knew i've hurts a lots of people around me because i'm struggling now thats for sure, to gather all my strength.

I thought everything was just fine, but the things gettin' even more complicated now....

I slide on each day, without realise where's my spirit is.....

I tried to smile to everyone but my heart is broken apart....

I tried to think but my head is empty....

Oh god.... please stopped the test you gave it to me, i can't handle it anymore....

I'm weak, only to YOU i can rely.....