Hati........ dimana kau ????

Aku tak tahu kat mana hati aku berada sekarang,

Tak makan lagi, lapar, tapi rasa cam malas nak makan,

Minum milo panas nak lega kan perut takut gestrik,

Tgh ready nak pg kelas, lepas kelas memang selamat aku nak BERAMBUS...

Tp tak tahu nak pg mana lg......!!!

Pg tadi aku dah abeh baca buku Zipporah-the wife of MOSES,

Such a brave lady......she was brave to life..!!

By the end of the story, she was killed to death

Againt!!! watak yg aku suka..... last2 MATI....

Hmmmmmm....................

Aku selalu wonder, that human being was a Khalifah....

Came to this world to spread the knowlegde n seeking for the ONE

the ONE which is ALLAH.....

Do i have fulfilled the task?

Am i capable for that?

Bare enough to do the job??

What happen when everyone arround me is still.....like me.... trying to find their ownselve.....to find who they are. Just like me, to find who I am....... surround with people who like to JUDGE with such UNJUST......

Am i hurt??? Sometime...............

GTG..... got class..!!! O' la......

Buku........(See life the way other people see.)

I have finish reading Sword song from Bernerd Cornwell, it was so fascinating so triumph..... i really fall in love with the book. Sadly Erik is dead..... !!! Come early these morning and i'm feeling so fresh.... somehow i was stunning when there is 2 books stay stood on my table....... its Sang Pemimpi and Laskar Pelangi from Andrea Hirata hot delivery from Indonesia. Thanx to IBAD and also Luqman too ...... and there's a yellow sticker stuck on the book cover......NOVEL TERLARIS DALAM SASTRA INDONESIA........ wow amazing....!!! Can't wait to read.......!!!

New years is coming...... i'm just stop myself from having a wish.... a target.... AZAM or what so ever b'coz i think when we happen to have a wish and a target.... it is with a package of HOPE..... which you HOPE everything will happen the way you want thing to be..... So for this year... no target wish AZAM or whatsoever........ just a PROMISE...to do the best i can in everything i do....and achieve.... I believe in ALLAH......and HE will guide me in everything i do. At least you don't felt disappointed when things not happen as what you wish.

I had a poet, which is quite cynical....... i'll post the entries later on because i wrote it in my diaries (Didn't bring her today!!) ... b'cos i think it's help me to see things the way other people see...... and hoping people see thing the way i see ..... Sometime and most of the time human are quite EGOISTIC. Me too, b'cos in everything we do, we want it to be according to what WE THINK THE WAY WE THINK...... its sometime OK but can you bare seeing the constraint there.

Eagly and Chaiken (1993), has stated that attitude is a psychological tendency that is expressed by evaluating a particular ENTITY with some degree of favor or disfavor. So i think that people will tend to be quite prejudice and maybe unfair when trying to judge other people OPINION according to their favor and disfavor. And i see the BEAUTIFUL thing in it.

Againt, i often think that people ATTITUDE and OPINION are parallel with their experience n their surrounding in life since childhood until they became mature. So each person has difference experience n surrounding so each one will present a difference ATTITUDE. As simple as (to myself also..!!) .... RESPECT other people opinion, b'cos u didn't experience the way they do ...... Some people has experience THE PAST which quite overwhelming..... some people maybe not..!!! Just RESPECT other people the way they are, as like they RESPECT you the way you are.

"ATTITUDES serve is to organize and simplify people's EXPERIENCE." ...

Eagly n Chaiken in Psychology of Attitudes....

See life the way other people do, you will fine the beautiful life in YOU......

Right Kind of Wrong

I live my days with such no words for me to recall. I think never too late yet to wish all bloggers an Awal Muharram of 1431. We can pray everything to God right?? So May Allah bless my New Year and grand me with a lots of GOOD REWARDS n happiness too n easy for me to settle my Master so i can find a new job which has a bonus every year and angpow every RAYA and PERMANENT too. Hahahaha... is it too specific..??? To be added .... the job is run a research. Because i like to mess my head struggling for a new FINDING........and also may Allah gave a brilliant brain which i do have now n upgrade it with a lots of ILHAM for me.... and hope to be even more nice to others soo they can be NICE to me too.... hehehe.  PS:- hope who ever read these said AMIN to my DOA..... kind like a constraint...Hmmm????

 MALAYSIAN Economic is still unstable. And I'm a little bit shock myself when my best friend said that she can't continued her contract for next year..... not b'coz i've choose her as my BANKER, well it is bcos i have the same dilemma like her myself n my contract will be end by next year. I felt soo bore afraid of something which i didn't reach yet....... huh...!!! Hope the thing will happen other around.... Hmmmmm...!!! Just maybe choose someone else as my banker, n hope they are generous as my "Now-Banker"....

Yeah.... being a jobless with such a lot of liability on your shoulder with a lot of dream to achieve. Duh..!!! I'm not gonna give up and just give in to what have written on your book of live. I'm a fighter...!! And these FIGHTER has her own LIFE that she ENJOYED..........n she won't give-up for the simple reason.

Tiba-tiba rasa kosong......

Tiba-tiba hati aku berasa kosong, seolah2 kehilangan sesuatu,

Perasaan nih lg dasyat dari putus cinta,
Lg dasyat bila time nak cucuk duit tapi baki duit xcukup….
Lg dasyat dari buat experiment tp tak jadi….
Lg dasyat drpd rasa bersemangat nak masak tp bila dah masak… rasa tak sedap

Tiba-tiba rasa cam sunyi semacam,

Rasa cam hidup tak lengkap… rasa cam tak confident….

Seolah2 aku dah kehilangan teman yg paling akrab…
Yang paling memahami aku dan gayaku….

Yang paling tak pernah melawan kehendak aku
Paling slumber ….mcm hidup aku…..

Sedih dan sepi seksgt….Selipar Jamban aku dah putus…


Walaupun harga dia tak semahal mcm kasut crocodile, mcm sandal caspia, kasut converse, highheel VISS, xes n blackhammer, kasut admiral, kasut climb jenama perancis…..
Tp. Sandal jamban tu lah yg paling selalu aku pakai…
Pakai pi shopping time sale,
Pakai nak ge main bowling ngn karaoke,
Pakai time ge library
Pakai time berekreasi, time mandi-manda kt sungai…
Time ada balak, aku pakai masa dating….
Dan paling selalu pakai…time nak pg kerjer …..
Pg kelas jer baru aku tukar pakai kasut converse takut kena halau keluar dewan,
Kalo pakai highheel… nnt jalan bunyi ketak ketuk cam model catwalk lak..!!


Kadang2 malu la jugak…..jln2 mid val ngn sogo pakai selipar jamban
Pg mkn tempat ada kelas …tp pakai selipar jamban
Pakai labcoat, bergaya cam scientist… tp pakai selipar jamban..
Pg mall bergaya cam artis, ngn anteng2 besar….. tapi pakai selipar jamban….
Kadang2 org lelaki selalu usher aku…. Misti dorank tak jadi ngurat sbb aku pakai selipar jamban…

Tapi aku tak kesah…. Sbb aku pakai aper yg aku selesa pakai..
Aku tak ikut kehendak dan kemahuan org lain…
Aku tak kesah org nak kutuk… sbb lam bonet keta aku tuh dah jd cam stor kasut…
Tapi selipar jamban yg beli kt pasar malam tuh jugak yg bg keselesaan kt aku….
Biarlah aper org nak kata…. Sbb kalo aku pakai selipar jamban aku tetap aku..
Kalo aku pakai kasut Jimmy Choo pun aku tetap jugak aku…
Oleh itu aku pilih pakai selipar jamban sbb confirm xmampu nak beli kasut Jimmy choo


Agak2 nya selipar jamban aku tu misti majuk ngn aku…
Sebab aritu aku ada cakap nak beli kasut shcoll kaler merah bata harga RM180…
Dah berangan2 nak jd mcm Dorothy lam wizard of oz….
Supaya aku tak ler rasa malu sgt asyik dok pakai selipar jamban harga RM7 jer….
Tu pasal la kot dia putus….majuk ngn aku….
Agaknya laaaa……… hhhhhmmmmmmm……. :-(

.........bdknakal...........

Separuh Jiwaku Pergi....

I had the most long cough of my life, i think it already reach 20 days since before Aidiladha.....n these is the most wierdess cough because my body temperature is unstable and i felt like terribly ichy when i want to breath, and its like something blocking my lung and there's also like something stuck on my alveolus. Maybe the bacteria has found their host n they love it.... damn it in my lung ...lol...!!

I went to Pusat Kesihatan UPM yesterday and within 2 minute the doctor said I'm fine my body temp is 36degree. I got a bottle of obatbatok..... maybe there's in hurried n me too (rushing for my wallclimbing). I didn't ask twice for what the pakcik told me... all i heard is.... ubat batuk nih tak akan mengantuk ngn mengkhayalkan...... i just like OK..... oooo good news, new invention for obat batok which will not make you felt sleepy. 1 tablespoon/10ml  per 4hours and don't reach until 40ml. So i take 2 tablespoon/20ml because the taste is good n i want it to felt better FAST. I'm OK.... i'm good .... and can climb the wall easily. Nothing happen..

So these morning before send my car for major service, i take another 2tablespoon, then ask Ipin picking me up to the Office.... however within 1hour, i felt....weng weng .... already, its like an alcoholic, halucination and hardly walk to SURAU.... and happily weng weng for another 4hours. When proton called for my car, i just like OK...... probably if i drove .... i can't diffrentiate whether i'm on the road or in the longkang ....huh...... Should check with the bottle when i reach home...... really BAD invention...... Next time doublecheck (advice for myself..!!).

I listen to the radio HOTFM these morning and their topic is about having a SCANDAL.... i was like a little bit mad listening to some idiotism idea. But then i think positive because i didn't married yet, so i don't know the felling of mariage life. But when compare to the phenomenal happen in my Faculty ...the scandal thing!!!.... i just like..... urrggghhh..!!! It just like these, God had made you to the upper level of human being but all you do is put your PRIDE to the very lowest LEVEL........

Yeah...just think POSITIVE...you not married yet, you don't know how they felt...!!

You struggling hard to find you LOVE of your LIFE... then married with her, having a kids, having a bless family......... n when your wife is busied with the kids n household..... you having a SCANDAL outside for fun ....... Yeah COOL........ is these what we called LOVE.....???? How's CHEAP....!!! Am i gonna married with these kind of guy...?? .... May i have the objective answer and the choises too...!!

Listen to these song.... its really touch my heart from the first time i heard it.

Cinta bukan mengajar kita lemah,

tetapi membangkitkan kekuatan...

Cinta bukan mengajar kita mengHINAkan diri,

tetapi menghembuskan kegagahan...

Cinta bukan melemahkan semangat,

tetapi membangkitkan semangat.

-HAMKA-

Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wick

Di...da...di........

Ai ....ya...ya.....

Intensive training with VCD yoga dumble and jogging my thigh was cramped already....

Today had a boulder training at Putrajaya Outdoor Centre.....

In everything we do, we have to have a target... and...

I'm targetting for MY FIRST rock climbing LEAD......

I'm gonna LEAD.....

I read an ANDY CAVE books,

U have to have a strong leg in order to LEAD...

I'll do IT then.....

About STUDY.....

My Supervisor had advised me that you can't wait for the idea to come,

You gotta push n force the idea to come out....

Yeah...with FB n bloggers around.....

Huh......insatiable....!!

Library is better....... chow....

Di da di...di da di da di da di.... di da di....

Slapstick......

Let ME laught for another few minute...more....

 We (me, yanie, k.ina n k.ita) ...went to Aida wedding yesterday at Tangkak Johor. Aida is yanie junior at KMR college also our junior in Fac. Forestry n now they working at Jab. Hutan. I knew Aida for many years as a student in a same faculty n she was Zai bestfriend afterall, i started close with her when we start working as a partimer at Taman Warisan... wake-up early morning with sleepy eye and then memBONCENG her Kamcai before i had my VIVA..... such a sweet memory to remember, she always make a joke to ride my VIVA, yet we never had a chance to do soo.......until now she's gettin' married. Nway.... happy bless MARRIED Aida n hubby.........

Ok the story is like these.... when we reach to Aida's house, Zai n Aida was makin' a joke that they've already taken the sirih prepared for Yanie........ After seeing their face, i was thinking that they are just bluffing with the idea..... Probably some of you guy's had NO idea what i was talking....... it's like these, Malay's Believed that if you take a sirih at SIRIH JUNJUNG on other people wedding, you might PROBABLY gettin married soon..... After Zai and Aida makin' a joke, Yanie with her stern face was just smilling.

And I make a conclusion that yanie n k.ina didn't believe it, it just somewhat an old tradition that had already forgotten by the young modern thinking youth. I want to take it, but i was a little bit shy also afraid that  people will called me patheticallly orthodox.... and thinking, "They have create that Sirih Junjung so beautifully, howcame you just came in the sudden and stole it... it's not good attitude right...." A phrase that i used to calm my heart.

When we going back, about 5km away from Aida house...... K.ina was talking...."Aik ... kuat gler bau sirih.." With my puzzling face, i was watching her digging something in her handbag..... n then Yanie shout...." TADAAAAA......!!" They both burst into laught.........

Damn it lah..... these two MODERN gurl, had stole the SIRIH without telling me, I was totally piss off...... n want to cry too..... "How came you guy's stole it without telling me.... i want to get married too, turn back.... turn back..... i wanna take my SIRIH....." Yanie was histerically laught and said that Zai had manage to slip the sirih into her bag...... K.ina add..."You can't tell other people that you take it.It won't work".... I just ...... FINE......

They were excited with the sirih and started to eat it......... i just don't have mood n pleased myself by saying that K.Ita also didn't take the sirih.... and then K.ita reply...... "Well akak akan kawen bulan 4 thn depan." ......harrrrrrggggghhhhh .... i was shouted, it's look like only me whom played the role of stupid naive gurl......again...!!!!

I ask K.ina..... "can you gave half of the sirih to me"........ somehow Yanie reply....."Mana boleh.... nnt kongsi suami.." They burst into laught again......and saying to each other...not included me, let see whom married next year n whether that theory will work or not..!!........... Haaaaarrrgggggggggggg .....!!

FINE....!! FINE....!! FINE...!!

Saper punya kenduri pasni....... aku nak CURI sirih......!!!!

Sweet Chat Cafe

I was addicted to chocolate drink for the past few days.....

So after went to EVERGREEN Cheras with Iza to find a climbing shoe,

I heading straight to MINES for the tea break....

And had a lust of chocolate drink at sweet chat cafe....

With BIG APPLE doughnut say cheese and green tea flavour.....

The chocolate drink was sooo... rich with chocolate

Its like I ate a large size of cadbury bar...

Chocolate melt with creamy and icecube in the middle ...

and topping with a scoop of Vanilla icecream...

Apart from that.... they gave me a few free voucer for next visit which i gave to IZA

Sound great right....!!!

well IT IS NOT....

The thing is, i was curious with the vanilla icecream..??

There is a little bit taste of DURIAN in it....

Maybe they share the scope spoon with other ice-cream.....

My stomach was like gettin' a terrible war inside....

I was nutralise my body with a lots of water and not to move so much

....its look like i wanna muck.... termuntah....

I tried to search for the website at the voucer
http://www.sweetchatcafe.com.my/

to see what kind of ingredient they put.....

Lucky me, the site is still under construction......

I was smilling NOW.....really is...

Felt like my body temperature was raise and felt cold beneath me....

SERAM SEJUK already....

NOW...!!!!

I was STAND-BY to SPEAD UP as fast as i can to the toilet...

before i thrown up in these bilik siswazah room....

Chow.....

Example of a chocolae drink.....probably it is vanilla ....think positive.....+ + + +

Boring....!!!

I felt like BLANK....

Well, i win the third place for best poster at the conference....

There's nothing bcos' it will be just the beginning...
Not even i care about the money,
To built the NAME n TRUST is more important....
Whatever.......
It'll be just the beginning....

I felt empty again......

Afraid that the thing that we really WANT,

will someday be gone extinctionally....

Afraid to lost someone......

Even more afraid to tell the trust about the feeling.....

I'll just wait day by day ...for his illusion to get off from my head,

But since then, it kept even more stronger.

I don't knew whether he felt the same way like me.....

I don't even want to knew......

And i always make a conclusion it just my own delusion

and to just stayed away and off the road...

You might hurt youself.... someday...someway...

You might just did.....

Concentrated on your study......
It will be just the random note........
The note from my deeply heart....n soul...
The heart which is emptied and still searching
..........for the sense of belonging.