My SouL

Last night i was free from any engagement with all my friends. Start again my so long called hobbies which is 'keluar malam' and 'balik lewat'. Hehe.......... i felt so boring stayed at home, with those annoyed noise with my TV broke down still had no idea bcoz of what....... well nevertheless had no money to repair it; have to save for my car tax & insurances. Cool!!! So i took a really deep breath one two three buumm...sleeep.....wake up, take a shower, read magazine then fall to sleep till early in the morning....... what i got....its totally fresh felling and empty minds. Yeah...... I'm going to work ready for a new start and rushing to a meeting discussion at 10am. Wow!!! felt like a student again...

Its quite boring when you have to follow the same routine everyday.....everyweek.... duh boring boring....... God test me with soo....much problem in my project team, till now i'm grown up to be ....hhmmmm problem...ok problem again.....duh that problem......hello problemm again. Huh!! I didn't realise these is my fourth final semester, yet not publish any journal or publication, hehehe still had not finish my testing...... collect all kind off journal but luckily had no idea where to start. i felt more like a useless then a winner. Gorsshhhh.........i just want to scream........somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!! huh

Bout life....cool and excellent, had a problem with my housemate, with Cik rasmina which more i called unprofessional shout out but then .....fine whatever gurl, i didn't talk with my dad............becoz of my relationship with my new boyfriend, he didn't like him. A few weeks ago ...... i dreamt that i tell nobody bout it...... that i wake one morning and i tried to find my dad, but his not there in our house i ask everybody where is my dad, he take a good care of me i felt totally empty and nothing to be sure, why everybody was cried and tell me to CALM DOWN. i cannot do that because i want to see my dad..... everybody was busied with the funeral preparation. i was so mad i get crazy i shout loud and cried that i want my dad....... untill then i wake up, felt a tears come up from my eyes and i'm in sober........ gorsshh i never dreamt like these before.

I'm a daddy's favorite daughter and one thing we had in common is......we are soo damn stubborn. He stick with his decission and so do I. At first i thought that i do nothing wrong and i will never broke up with my BF.... fulled stop....end off discussion. I didn't talk to my dad, and he did it too. NEVERMIND ....sorry i didn't even care about it.

BUT....... the dreamt told the difference side of me. I do care actually. I remembered when daddy took me to school when i was in standard 1, i remembered daddy buy first KFC burger when i was 7 or 8 years old, I eat it all along that big burgers by myself beside my little brother till my mom came and shout that i suppost to share it with him, i.....OK.....i already finish it. I see my little brothers face, he was so spechless and of coz with watery eyes. I'm a bad sister....i know it. Remembered all the past, make me realise that i shouldn't act the way i did........ I felt totally confuse with myself...........

So ........... thats what make the decission. I want to break up.