Well, aku demam for the past 3 days.......till now, still kepala ni weng weng lagi. Then malas seksgt nak pg PK or clinic.....ini memang kepakaran aku, kalo sakit jer sokmo malas nak ge klinik...hospital, huh haram....... I hate hospital, aku masih ingat lagi masa umur aku 5thn masa ktrg satu family lebih bnyk kat hospital dari duduk umah.....i hate the smell, i hate the surrounding, i hate felling at that time......i hate hospital. Sampaikan baru2 ni kakak aku bersalin, ktrg bersiap nak ge hospital tapi my brother just buat donno jer, then i ask him...oi...awat hang tak siap lagi...then with his slumber face, he told us he don't want to go. I just...what the hell you think, she your sister. Then aku buat muka slumber tanya dia...naper tak nak pg..... then dia cakap...aku takut bau hospital. OK...trauma just the same as me. Huh!!!
Life just happen to be so.......difficult for me.......'difficult' is it the right words. I donno, my insomnia just gettin even worst, thats what i'm affraid off. Tak boleh tido langsung sampai pukul 5pg to 6pg....baru mata aku terlelap. Everyday for the past 2months.....soo its totally effected my life, my mood, my work, my study......everything. I don't know what i'm affraid off, what i'm scare off....i really want to see a psychologist........but can we trust them. Well, my answer is no. The fact and the trust is i hate life.......i don`t care if i'm die........ but baru2 ni aku terdengar ceramah agama yg said that kita tak baik meminta kematian dari Allah........huh. Ok I'll........... so nak mintak aper!! I try to acted as a tough gurl but the fact is I'm not.....
Bout my relationship with my BF......huh, kan bagus kalau kita tahu dalam hidup kita ni bila kita dilahirkan, siapa jodoh kita dan bila kita akan mati..... we can prepared everything.... not end up to just put a puzzle into your husky life. The moment i going back to my kampung before fasting season, is the moments that i just put our relationship on God hand. I just dont rely to anyone, i just be me ......and my family. Aku taknak terlalu mengharap dengan aper2. Cuma i put a guts on one thing that is, if i got PTD and past the exam, I'll just leave EVERYTHING here. JUST EVERYTHING. Life seem nothing left for me here in UPM, just a nostalgia felling, since its been 7 years i'm staying here. I'm not gonna finish my Master Degree......i never plan to finish it.... Only Allah can change it. I love to travelled, well, being a diplomate is something have never come out in my mind....but i love to try it.
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