No pain No gain!!

Wow........ I'm back on track again.......... i have no idea ..... where these strength is comin' but sure did I'm big gurl now, and big gurl don't cry dude......hahaha....

Well, last night being soo bored till i watch korean movies 200pounds of beauty...... i laught like a hell when come to the part she's seeing the bomoh....... so funny!! hehe I considered it as a sweet movies to watch. Huh...what i can conclude, manusia suka menilai org lain dari segi rupa paras, for me its more like a discriminate. I hate what it's call discrimination. You have no right to judge others, they have their own felling, it is unfair for them, I felt the way Hanna felt, when i was a little kid, my big sister was soo cute, adorable, sweet and then in the sudden without planning came me into the family not soo cute, bit montel, bulu mata pun tak lentik, a bit darker, like came from a diffrence photostate machine. My twin brothers also cute and comel gitu. All my uncles, my aunties, my nephew whoever will reacted difference attituted when communicated with me........ but duuhhh!! Do i look like i'm care...... hallo!! the answer is NO. Accept its more like some sort of ANNOYANCE.

When our relative came to our house and ask who i am? then ...... usual answer.... "Ohh yang ni lain sikit ek!!".... sometime when i was mad, i told them ..... "biasa la anak pungut"...... menyampah dol!! Manusia....... susah nak dijangka....sama lah bila balik kampung ... soklan2 biasa...... eh gemuknya kau, ehh gelapnya kau, eh apasal kurus kering nih!! Huh..... lotih nak menjawab, soklan yang membosankan!! Till now..... i was soo malas nak layan kalo soklan2 mcm ditanya, aku hanya SENYUM semanis mungkin........... lantak lerr. Fulled stop.

My new hobbies now is going for an interview, part of that, i dig down all my baju kurung and kebaya which suite my now-shrink-body@ kurus. Count all my baju kurung I make a conclusion if i got any job, i have 2week rotation for my baju kurung(10 pasang).....harharhar. My fellowship will last in these jun, so gotta have to fine a new job! I make a confession that i WILL finish my master degree by hook or by crook for three years, so two years has settle, one more year to go. Bertapa susahnya nak dapat degree, susah lagi nak dapat MASTER....... but i will take it as a challenge for me. Go go chaiyo!! chaiyo!!

Cape Rachador

Dari tempat yang kejauhan aku melabuhkan lelahku,

Pada jendela istana agung berwarna putih...

ku ketuk untuk kukirimkan rindu.....

Namun jendela itu terkunci....

terkunci oleh gahnya manusia menuding jari atas kesilapanku.

Lalu kududuk sedirian melepaskan kekecewaanku ditepian,

Merenung angin yang sepoinya tak bisa kutafsir,

Derungan ombak yang samar-samarku tangkap dari puncak sendiri itu,

Pada suara camar dan burungan laut yang memintaku tenang.....

Butuh apakah hidup manusia,

Sekiranya hidupnya menyusahkan manusia yang lain,

Sekiranya usahanya masih membuahkan hasil yang kosong,

Sekiranya berdirinya kerana telah beribu kali terjatuh oleh dugaan

Pundaknya letih

Hatinya bungkam

Jiwanya lemas

Hanya Tuhan yg paham, moga sesungguhnya DIA paham...

Angin bertiup lagi, lalu menghempas tembok kurun ke-16 itu

Iramanya tak dapat kutafsirkan, seolah-olah ianya berlagu didalam jiwaku,

Mengolah kata pada firasatku.......

Ilhamku mengapai mencari-cari kata pedoman itu....

Mencari-cari yang namanya kekuatan diri......

Aku ingin tangis,

Sesungguhnya aku ingin jerit sehingga jauh dibalik selat itu,

Ketahuilah aku ini telah hilang semangatnya,

Berdiriku dibalik tembok itu untuk kunyatakan kepada dunia,

Pergilah kau yang namanya masalah...

Pergilah kau yang namanya kekusutan..

Pergilah kau yang namanya kesedihan...

Aku ingin istirehat....

Dan itu ketegasanku

Cape Rachador

Tanjung Tuan, PD

7.58am

16/05/09

Casa Rachado...... I`m Comin`

I LOVE this PICTURE!!

Hahaha......... Puas gler2 minggu ni bler aku spend time absolutely as what i imagine. Dah lama sangat tak wat kerjer merapu-rapu nih.

Sampai umah kul 12.00mlm pas tgk citer Angel and Demons (Off coz` Dan Brown famous book....walla!!) ngan ofcozz En.syed, En.Naz, En.Lufti and housemate lufti.

Kul 4.30am bangun kemas barang, goreng frankfurter ayam then selongkar peti ais cari benda aper leh aku songlap, uii coklat cadbury blackforest ada lg satu bar besar.....lumayan dong!! Kul 5.00am Iejan dah kt depan umah.

SSSHHHHHEEEeeeaaaauuuu bergerak.!!

Kul 6.40am dah sampai kat Taman Rekreasi Pasir Panjang, actually nak ge Tanjung Tuan nak naik menara rumah api tapi terlajak sampai Pasir Panjang (LONG BEACH). Last2 ktrg decide berenti kat ctu then sarap dlu ngn bekalan yg ktrg tapaw.....perut dah berdangdut nih!! Hehe sampai gak kat Tanjung Tuan yang aku idam-idamkan dalam mimpiku...

Wah, kurus gler aku nih, weh aku makan banyak tau. Tak caya tanya Ijan!!

Aper special nya tanjung tuan?? Sampai sekarang aku tertanya2. First sekali pg Tanjung Tuan time amali kelas Sir Lim Meng Tsai(not sure: 6yrs ago) ........ Terus hati aku tertawan ngan rumah api dia. Warna putih my favourite colour selain pink. I felt free bila berada kt situ rasa macam aku seorang yang berkuasa dan telah menakluki dunia, rasa puas bila ditiup angin dengar suara burung2 laut, dengar ombak menghempas pantai dari kejauhan....... jiwa aku tak rasa kosong, rasa full and satisfied with what i'm doing. I got back my spirit which is flew away few months ago........ bcoz of what??? Surely because of LOVE.

Neverthought that LOVE is soo complecated. mumbling around surfing the net got to kong blogspot.....then ader videoclip citer korea 200 pounds beauty. How?? Seorg perempuan sanggup buat segalanya utk lelaki yg dia cinta....... husshhh.!! Aku belum sampai that kind of level lg lah. If you want to love me, you have to accept the way i am. Otherway is....... the highway.....hahaha

MARIA....ave maria........

Tak Derr Mood

Purrhhhh!!!! Rasa cam takder mood seksgt 2 3 hari ni, masa berjalan cepat sgt sampai aku tak sedar aper yang aku dah buat and settle kan. For sure badan rasa sgt2 TIRED, letih!!

2 hari lepas teman En. Syed ge main bowling dia main 5 game, lufti main 4 game, aku main 3 game, balik umah terus tak sedar diri tertidur then dah terbangun lambat, kul 6.10am ijan dah kat depan umah aku ready nak ge interview Pegawai Tadbir Kementerian Pendidikan Malaysia kat Putrajaya. Hehe....tak ready satu haper pun, main bantai pegi jer, time menunggu tu kakak sebelah aku bercerita tentang interview semalam siap tanya pasal isu semasa.......lam hati aku ketawa, confirm dah takleh jawab.... pastu tanya pasal 'satu Malaysia'...... aku senyum jer, last skali dah tak tahan dgn muka tak bersalah aku tanya..... satu malaysia tu hamender??? Bebudak kat belakang dah busy2 berdiscuss. Hadohh dugaan aper kah ini!! Aku ni dah la jarang baca paper, tgk TV pun jarang apatah lg tgk berita?? Macam duduk zaman FLINSTONE lak......

Makanya terpaksa guna skill aku yang number 3, kalo tak tahu jawapan....sengih jer lah. Interview kali nih masuk 5 org sekali, aku dapat group number 2. Ada 2 org interviewer, biler dia start jer bercakap, halamak we will start our interview in fully English, humangaih.... dup dap dup dap jantung aku, memang kes bantai...sebantainya lah aku nih. Dah kenalkan diri aku org number 2, kakak first Dr. gigi from Uitm, aku nih research assistant from UPM, budak sebelah aku gempak gak kerjer dia dari USM, number 4 pun power gak dr UM, yg last tu lelaki dia cakap slow sgt aku tak dengar.

First soklan, dia nak ktrg wat discussion tentang Gangsterism in school, doesn't matter how we want to conduct the forum, whats the point, whateverpun we can discuss in that forum. So you may start now, aku baru nak meraba-raba cari pen, cam test MUET lak, ...... lam hati dah berketawa terdekah-dekah...... bleh ker aku ni buat!!! Akak dr. gigi tu start dlu pastu budak USM tu aku number 3..... main cakap jer, akupun tak ingat aper aku cakap. Then interviewer no 2 tu bersuara, huih power gak bahasa matsalleh dia, dia tanya cam mana nak prevent benda nih walaupun sebenarnya pihak sekolah dah wat mcm2 cara. Tak der saper nak menjawab last2 aku bukak mulut, nih pun point main bantai jer confirm 100% berterabur, aku cakap using mass communication and mass media, because nowaday parents are soo busied dealing with their work, through TV, radio and newspaper we can educated young children and guide them as a roll model for them to follow.

Pastu soalan nomber 2 dia tanya pasal excell, dia tanya budak laki tu sebab budak laki tu bnyk dia dari bercakap, any qualification and skill in computer, budak no 3 tu dah menyampuk dia punya kerjer memang banyak wat lam microsolf excell segala bagai, aku terdiam, aku tahu tapi tak terror sgt......HUH!! Then dia suh ktrg describe in words cammana nak kira 2+4 bahagi 2 in one single spreadsheet. Aku dah budget misti interviewer no. 2 tu cikgu computer. Budak laki tu tak leh jawab, bdk UM tu jawab tapi dia sendiri pun mcm tak confident, bdk USM tu jawab tapi tak totally complete bila datang jer time aku ngan confidentnya aku jawab....... (babe wa amek kelas advance statistik method babe).... bodoh sgt kalo tak reti jawab. So aku jawab.... I think the right answer is summation or equal sign open bracket 2 plus 4 and then close bracket using slash sign for devided put 2 then press entered. Kuikuikui..... kelakar, then dia suh ktrg bg tahu aper criteria yg memboleh kan ktrg dapat job ni. Bla Bla Bla.....settle.

Abeh jer interview, satu jer aku dapat conclusion, tak yah harap sangat la nak dapat job ni, sebab semalam jer dah 8000 org datang, nak jawatan tu dalam 300 kekosongan jer...... tu belum lg campur yang ada cable, yang ader tiang cable, yg cable dia sebesar lengan, yang anak menteri ngan timbalan menteri lg. No matter how good you are, this kind of thing, sometime will put a laught on your head.........and shout it loud baby!!! This is democratic country, democratic....OK!!

Sakit Belakang

Aduhh.... pagi tadi pas smyg subuh, terus tak leh bangun, huhu ge kerjer pun lambat sejam, bler nak msg Ijan handset kena blog, berhangen jerr rasa. HANTU betul!!

Aku dah bebel2 sendiri. Naseb la saper yg dok bertapa lam bilik air lama2 relex jer aku ketuk sebab aku nak mandi, time belajar dolo2 takper ar bleh pospone mandi, kelas kul 8.00 sampai 9.00 confirm aku tak mandi, pas kelas baru balik umah mandi kat Flat Ikan(masa tu la!!). Kadang2 nak terkucil pun, aku leh balik umah, sebab tak suka toilet Fakulti.... hehehe.

Dalam minggu ni dah 3 kali aku pg joging kat stadium ngan ijan, pastu malam seblum ni ge shopping ngan Ida pastu tido kul 2pg nak design kad kawen, malam semalam ge main bowling ngn En. Syed, Lufti and Naz, Lufti temankan jer sebab dia sakit belakang. Pas main bowling 3 frame, lepak Ane` tepi Azwaz sampai kul 1pg baru blk umah. Time tu dah terasa smcm jer ngan belakang aku nih, tak kan berjangkit ngan si Lufti kot. Bangun jer pagi td, hui....memang lerr sepenuh tenaga aku kerah nak bangun semayang subuh, azab betul, pas semyg terus aku baring sedar2 dah lambat. hehehe.......... nak ponteng kejer tapi banyak lg kerjer. Pas mandi amek jer counterpain terus sapu belakang, bersiap ....zzaaassss ge gak kerjer dgn muncung yang panjang. Muka lak jgn cerita la, baru bangun tido........ takkan cam ratu cantik lak!! Terjumpa En.Rizal depan pintu lab..... dia ketawa besar tgk muka aku....... misti dah mcm cencurut!!!

Pas masuk lab, discuss ngan uma and eppi apa kerjer nak buat arini, aper nak kena buat besok, and aper yg kena pospone wat minggu depan. Maybe minggu depan kena ge Pahang and maybe aku nak discuss ngan Dr.Ainun pospone sehari kot ada probs skit. And for sure tomorrow ader meeting pengurusan kul 11pg. Malam ni lak kena ge Cheras nak settle kan bill tlipon yg cam ***** tuh. Addeeehhhh letih dol mcm ni!!!

Hari Yang Totally Blurred

Pagi tadi aku berjaya mengharungi meeting dengan penuh bergaya and penuh persediaan. Walaupun Epi ngan En.Maen takder, just Me, Umapathy and Dr. Ainun. Its great start when we discussed bout our progress and most important is we discuss bout working here, the pressure, people around us, surrounding, the machine, supplier, its a very enjoyed meeting with casual discussion.

Harharharhar

Got to laught bout it, i had a deep instinct few weeks ago that said someone will get engage, then aku msg LUFTI tanya ko cuti bertunang ek. Dia msg balik cakap tak...... then aku tanya En. SYED, dia cakap tak jugak. At last, i've got the answer, my sister told me my X-BF is getting engage few weeks ago...... with my stern face i said BAGUS LAA....... Yeah its really, good for him. I don't knew why? But... it's really good for him.

Sometime being single is quite alone, but most of the time, I like being single without any comitment, you have nothing to care with you don't have to sms someone said that you going out somewhere that you gonna be late going back home, you just do whatever you want to do in yourlife. You can go karaoke, can go bowling everyday, can go shopping, can go lepak mamak with guys gurls whatever .....bla bla bla

I knew that the guys that god made for me is worth waiting for..... so i'd be OK with it. But this time i really hope that the guy has good educational level if not i hope to get a guy that has higher thinking level. Based on....... i don't know, when you a gurl, you had diploma, had bachelor degree, going to get master degree..... your level of thinking is quite difference. Some people see a problem and settle it in just one way of direction, but when you learn more your level of thinking is..... you see a problem in three way dimension, a 3D......haha macam Respond Surface Method (Statistic) lak. 1st ...you trying hard to settle the problem.... 2nd... you trying so hard to find a people that can settle that problem... 3rd.... argghhh lantak lah with that problem. E'se banyok kojo lae' nak buek......

After going back to my sister house at Damansara, she blame me for the MISTAKE i've done... for seeing a wrong guy. I think a lot about it..!! Yeah.... i really meet a lots of wrong guy... I think its normal....., you learn through it and become mature at the level of your age. Someone pernah nasihatkan aku that kita hanya akan matang melalui cinta, and most important is we will seeing a lots of wrong guy before we meet the right one. HEHEHE....... hope to find one soon.

Most important is I ENJOYED MYLIFE a lots...................