Ayat-ayat Cinta II

Sampai sekarang aku masih tertanya2 how my love story will be, either i'm gonna be like Aishah who sacrifice everything for the sack of the new born, or being like Maria who fall in love deeply to Fahri and couldn`t said a word about her feeling and in the end Fahri married to Aishah and she still love that guy to death. Or maybe the gurl who libelled Fahri for the sack the she was already fall in love with Fahri kindness. Hmmm........ gorsshhh I'm totally not those type of gurl.

I don't know, today.... meaning of LOVE is so cheap, so easy and at the end there`s no value. I dreamt someone that is my faith and my courage, can i get these kind of guy.???? Who can trust who I am, and i trust him too. We have the same kind of instinct that only we can feel it. We can share everything bout' life, bout' love, bout' politics, bout' our interest, bout' our family and friends and just bout anything......and apart of that we know we have each other. Thats what i want in love. It seem like just LOVE in the storybook or fairytale.

The world is getting too pessimistic and egoistic, everyone was too keen to protect their own soul and they hasn't know that they just hurt other people feeling. I felt it with Ajib before, and at the time of moment I know that he was not meant for me, he was too egoistic as a guy that you can respect as a MAN, as a FRIEND, and of coz as a HUSBAND.... if we did get married, I don't know whether it will last long. He has the valued that he can handle me, but deep down inside me I'm acting just like a pretender, so he will be happy, BUT i'm not. Some gurl can handle him, and that gurl is absolutely not me.

I trying soo hard to sacrifice in love but at the end i'm the only person whom is heart-breaker and fall apart. Maybe Allah guide me......insyaallah.

"namun harusku tinggalkan cinta.......ketika ku bersujud."

Ayat-ayat Cinta

Desir pasir dipadang tandus, segersang pemikiran hati, sekisah ku diantara cinta yg rumit

Bila keyakinan ku datang, kasih bukan sekadar cinta, pengorbanan cinta yg agung

kupertaruhkan..............

Maafkan bilaku tak sempurna, cinta ini tak mungkin kujaga, ayat-ayat cinta bercerita cintakupadamu............

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh seakanku bisa hidup lebih lama, namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta ketika ku bersujud...........

....ketikaku bersujud.

Well.....hmmm, semalam i had a very rushy life, celebrate Meni birthday at 12pm.....siap masak bihun lagi kt umah dia.....2.30pm rush to hentian serdang ngan ida tunggu bob kat cna. Then we all ge Johor bahru sebab ida and bob transfer ker cna. kul 7.30 sampai kat tol skudai, ktrg bwk memang slow habes sebab hujan jer sepanjang jalan. Keta bob lak aircon rosak soo.......takkan nak tinggal dia.....sungguh tak setia kawan kekeke...... Sampai jer JB ktrg tunggu staff Perhilitan En. Amy, staff Daha sebab nak settlekan pasal penginapan. Ktrg tunggu dia depan Hotel New York. Dia datang ngan anak and wife dia tapi dorg tak keluar sebab anak dia tido. Ktrg follow dia sampai wisma persekutuan then dia bwk ktrg ker Hotel Rasa Sayang then tunjuk kat mana ofis perhilitan yg bob bakal kerja. On behalf of that ida suruh En.Amy lukis peta nak ker Larkin sebab nak beli tiket bas kat ctu....... Well, dapat gak beli tiket transnational kul 11mlm,ida bayarkan.....utk diri SAYA pulang ker KL, sangat-sangat ttired.....paham. Tapi Ok laaaa.....happy sepanjang perjalanan, almaklumlah pg ngan ida, dia 'bahan' wa, wa 'bahan' dia balik...pstu kihkihkih ketawa. Cuma part tak best bler BF called then marah-marah. Mula2 ingat nak duduk kat JB barang sehari dua, tapi sebab BF dah maki-maki hamun suruh balik, nak tak nak wa kena balik walaupun dalam hati memang berangin jer sebab dah bawak baju tido segala bagai, siap bawak pario lagi, ingatkan nak main air kt tepi pantai.....huh sumua tu angan2 belaka.....tension jer. Ida ketawa jer sambil nasihat wa suruh balik, malas nak panjang2 kan cerita, lain kali bleh datang lagi...kata ida. Al maklum la wa ni kaki berjalan. Wa tak kira musti nak kena pg Pulau Tioman ngan Pulau Sibu. Nak pg jugak!!!!!

Sampai kat hentian serdang kul 3.15am, wa suruh BF amek, lantak la sapa yg suruh wa balik cni. Heh rasakan tunggu wa naik bas sepanjang malam. Nasib baik dia tak marah2 time pick up wa. Memang wa pun ready nak meletoop jer. Ktrg ge minum kat Ane' Maulana baru tu. Marah jugak tapi malas nak panjangkan cerita. Bila dengar lagu ayat-ayat cinta ni....haarrgggg sedihnyer, naper complicated sgt CINTA. Naper org susah nak percaya org macam aku or org macam ida ni, actually setia. I'm gettin' so fedup more and more. Tapi biar la....kesetiaan kitrg nih berbaloi. People can said what ever they want, but when they are in our shoes, i'm sure they will exactly reacted like us. Pen-off for today.

Selamat Hari Raya

Wahhh....tensionnyer aku tak leh balik kampung minggu ni nengok anak sedara aku cukur rambut..... rasa tak puas natap muka dia yg bulat tu macam anak jepun dah la kuat memberontak kecik2 dah pandai, sebijik perangai macam mak dia.....kakak aku tu la. Aku siap panggil anak buah aku ni 'pengganas' ..... pandai betul dia memberontak, kalo dah start dukung dia jgn harap nak duduk mula la dia bunyi siap tolak2 ngan kaki lagi. nak tido pun susah sebijik mcm mak dia jenis tak tido malam. Then yg comel nyer umur baru sebulan dah pandai buat mulut muncung. Mula2 tu pelik gak kat mana budak ni belajar....reruper nyer masa kakak aku ngandong dia kejer kakak aku ni main game jer.....maka bila time nak menang kakak aku selalu mungcung mulut huh huh nak menang.......hah maka sekarang ni anak dia ngekor. Hahaha sengal tul...........



Huh raya tahun ni leh kata meriah gak, ramai yang datang melawat ktrg. Cuma yg tak meriahnyer part kuih raya, leh tak time aku balik kampung seketul kuih raya pun mak aku tak buat lagi. bengang punya pasal, aku kerah tenaga adik aku buat kuih raya sehari 2 jenis.....ngan kakak aku sekali kena tolong walaupun masih lam pantang....peduli hapa aku. Maka hasilnya kuih raya tahun ni, tak habes sebab semua kuih yg aku buat tu tak sedap langsung. So semalam kak fat tanya mana kuih raya Yat. Aku jawab...hehe tak leh bawak sini sebab tak lepas SIRIM, dari kena kutuk kuih aku tak sedap baik aku wat muka tebal jer tak bawak kuih raya......hehe.

Me...for the matter of moment

Well, aku demam for the past 3 days.......till now, still kepala ni weng weng lagi. Then malas seksgt nak pg PK or clinic.....ini memang kepakaran aku, kalo sakit jer sokmo malas nak ge klinik...hospital, huh haram....... I hate hospital, aku masih ingat lagi masa umur aku 5thn masa ktrg satu family lebih bnyk kat hospital dari duduk umah.....i hate the smell, i hate the surrounding, i hate felling at that time......i hate hospital. Sampaikan baru2 ni kakak aku bersalin, ktrg bersiap nak ge hospital tapi my brother just buat donno jer, then i ask him...oi...awat hang tak siap lagi...then with his slumber face, he told us he don't want to go. I just...what the hell you think, she your sister. Then aku buat muka slumber tanya dia...naper tak nak pg..... then dia cakap...aku takut bau hospital. OK...trauma just the same as me. Huh!!!

Life just happen to be so.......difficult for me.......'difficult' is it the right words. I donno, my insomnia just gettin even worst, thats what i'm affraid off. Tak boleh tido langsung sampai pukul 5pg to 6pg....baru mata aku terlelap. Everyday for the past 2months.....soo its totally effected my life, my mood, my work, my study......everything. I don't know what i'm affraid off, what i'm scare off....i really want to see a psychologist........but can we trust them. Well, my answer is no. The fact and the trust is i hate life.......i don`t care if i'm die........ but baru2 ni aku terdengar ceramah agama yg said that kita tak baik meminta kematian dari Allah........huh. Ok I'll........... so nak mintak aper!! I try to acted as a tough gurl but the fact is I'm not.....

Bout my relationship with my BF......huh, kan bagus kalau kita tahu dalam hidup kita ni bila kita dilahirkan, siapa jodoh kita dan bila kita akan mati..... we can prepared everything.... not end up to just put a puzzle into your husky life. The moment i going back to my kampung before fasting season, is the moments that i just put our relationship on God hand. I just dont rely to anyone, i just be me ......and my family. Aku taknak terlalu mengharap dengan aper2. Cuma i put a guts on one thing that is, if i got PTD and past the exam, I'll just leave EVERYTHING here. JUST EVERYTHING. Life seem nothing left for me here in UPM, just a nostalgia felling, since its been 7 years i'm staying here. I'm not gonna finish my Master Degree......i never plan to finish it.... Only Allah can change it. I love to travelled, well, being a diplomate is something have never come out in my mind....but i love to try it.

The Day After Tomorrow....

XTVT semalam.....teman BF ge beli bumper Satria GTI kat kedai Ane' kat kajang.... beFore that we going to D'Limau Nipis at Bangi, enjoying our lunch with those lovely ikan pekasam that always come out from my dream the last two week...its not totally a lunch break coz we reach there at 11.45am so sort of a "Mengular" punya break........its fun even we have a little bit quarrel...ngahngahngah.....but then I pow him with lunch for me and my car too.....isi minyak laaa... gorsh...i have to save my money till these month...... got not enough to survive.....huhu. Cian BF wa yang selalu kena buli...harharhar

Actually, aku baru beli handphone baru so just nak try dia punya aplication and trying to download it into my comp to judge the performance or quality of the picture interm oh....haha merapu jer kerje aku ni. Got to stop here its 10.35am, time for me to have breakfast, then will continue with my job at LAB........hope no Foreigner there.........I'm not hate them not double standard them but.........please out off my way when doing my job. Well i think i should write about foreigner student....but not today.....will be soon...tata

Betul dari apa yang aku baca sebelum sebelum ni..........yang lelaki suka dilayan macam kanak2 or anak2 kecil....sangat manja dan kadang2 mengada2, suka cemburu tapi cukup bosan kalo awek dorg yg kuat cemburu, kuat mengongkong tapi tak suka di kongkong, suka bebel tapi cukup fed-up kalo awek dorg yg bebel....nak makan slipar ker??.......iya betul...tak tipu.

Hehe...it's quiet complicated relation between man's and women......I still trying to figure out what make a person can attrack to other person which soon will became his/their other-half. And pattern some of their boyfriend ni lebih kurang sama ngan dorg punya X-BOY yg sbelum2 nih.......hmmmm. Adakah itu takdir??? Might be...might be not!!!

But for me my BF ni is absolutely and totally difference ngan semua BOY yang pernah aku rapat sebelum ni. He's also out of a person which i imagine to became my boyfriend. Even Ajib pun sama ngan muka bdk freelance Shah Alam yg tak-berapa-nak-menjadi-balak aku dulu tu.
OK out off that question for awhile.

Aku giler membaca buku sekarang ni.......One on my hand is READING LOLITA IN TEHRAN, from Professor Azar Nafisi. At first 50 page of these book is hell too boring, but than it's became more OK side of it then......quiet interesting. I`ll take it as i attend Dr. Manohar class which we has to learn how to gave critics to JOURNAL........ What i was trill and a bit puzzle is the cronology of Islamic Rezolution of Pahlavi family (sekarang dibawah lindungan suaka politik di Perancis) which i think one day if no action taken will hunt our own country. The political problem, the corruption amongst misruled, penyalahgunaan kuasa oleh org yg mempunyai kuasa goverment for example.....menyebab dan menggalakkan rakyat untuk melakukan bantahan at first secara diam...and lastly it will became like confrontation and rusuhan and bla bla.....

Its easy as kerajaan harus mendengar suara hati rakyat. Siapalah kerajaan kalo memerintah tanpa rakyat........ Sama ngan memansuhkan AUKU.....and some of artikel which i read through newspaper mengatakan yg pelajar sekarang dah kurang kualiti banding pelajar dulu2 tahun 80-an zaman MCKK and what ever bla bla... Nak ada kualitinyer kebenda kalo hak ktrg bersuara disekat....kalo berpolitik kearah pembangkang sikit dah diugut dibuang Universiti.... So whats your choise then. And most important thing is kalo pelajar dulu2 tu berkualiti...what the hell with those rasuah berleluasa, gila kuasa, menggunakan hak untuk kepentingan diri.......tanpa memikirkan akibat pada org lain.... Bukankah org dulu2 yang membenttuk apa yg jadi pada ktrg sekarang nih.....hah jawab la....???

Org sekarang dah semakin buta....buta nak menilai mana satu benar dan mana satu salah. There`s too many hipocrite people...especially in politic,it's totally hard to judge.......prove me if i`m wrong.

So my next list TO-READ books is from Robert Ludlum....THE ROAD TO OMAHA........gtg