My Way.......

And now, the end is near;

And so I face the final curtain.

My friend, Ill say it clear,

Ill state my case,

of which Im certain.

Ive lived a life thats full.

Ive traveled each and evry highway;

And more,

much more than this,

I did it my way.

Alhamdulillah, aku dah semakin sembuh tapi masih lagi terasa semput, then tak leh berjalan lelama sebab mudah rasa nak pitam. Kepala sentiasa rasa mengantuk soo kena banyak minum air kosong, makan pun kena pilih sebab takut muntah keluar darah lagi. Hmmm.......at that time aku rasa mcm nak mati sgt jer..... sebab agak kecewa untuk teruskan hidup. Tapi for the matter off fact, I`m ok now, nak pulak ida dtg jaga aku.... memang dia paksa aku makan sebab dah 2 hari aku tak lalu nak makan then siap tolong basuhkan baju lagi sebab dah sebaldi baju tak berbasuh. Hmmm. THANX sis, now thats what we called friend.!!!! Independent dan boleh diharap.

Aku ni jenis yang tak suka nak menyusahkan org, thats why kalau aku sakit tak bagi tahu sesiapa. But apa yang ida buat and mat d yang tolong belikan ubat and belikan makanan memang aku rasa syukur sgt. Sebab kalo nak harap aku memang dah tak terdaya nak bangun. Agak nya kalo aku mati lam bilik aku pun takder saper yang sedar....... hmmm. Kawan utk senang memang ramai, kawan untuk susah bersama tu belum tentu dia buat dengan ikhlas. Hmmmm........

Dan disebabkan aku ni dah BERJANJI ngan Wan nak ge kenduri dia, maka aku gagahkan jugak diri untuk bangun. Dan alhamdulillah sampai gak kt umah ISTERI wan kat Perak tu walaupun ktrg sampai dah lambat. Gi ngan Mat D, NAZ ngn Helmi. Hehehe.......happening jer dorg ni dan kerjer nyer nak membahan aku jer....... Ida belikan garam dehidration, so Ok laaa sikit bekal sepanjang jalan.

Lepas balik dari Hutan melintang, ajak ida ge makan kerang rebus sebab aku mengidam sgt nak makan mentarang tapi mungkin bukan musim kot takder pun org jual mentarang sepanjang jalan nk balik ker KL, kerangpun bedal jer lah tapi tak makan banyk just sekadar alas mulut jer lahh.... Balik umah dah kul 10 lebih terus tidor......

Arini kul 8.30am tapi baru tersedar terus bangun ge mandi sebab ada discussion pasal tutorial ngan member2 STATISTIC. Minggu depan ada exam, buku tak sempat nak bukak lg. Sepanjang2 aku sakit aku asyik dok ingat buku, ingat journal, ingat chapter 123, ingat jadual, ingat exam, nak baca buku nak buat kerjer lab teringat kunci lab dan macam2 lg lah. hehe... am i workaholic......... no i don't. Just i LOVE to work!! yup i do.

Kalaku Bukakan Mata........

Wajahmu kerapku mimpi wajahmu seringku puja

Buatku terasa sepi kalaku bukakan mata

Kau masih belumku punya

Rinduku masih kau tak peka

Cintamu kerapku mimpi cintamu sering ku damba

Buatku terasa sedih kalaku bukakan mata

Kau masih belumpun ku dakap

Rinduku masih kau tak singkap

bila nak saksi, kau datang terkulai

bila nak saksi kau datang membelai

bila nak saksi cintaku sampai

Diri mu kerapku mimpi dirimu seringku khayal

Aku angan-angankan Kau dapat bersama

Nyatakan cinta yang terpendam

Membina istana tersergam

Kadang-kadang hidup TERPAKSA mengambil sesuatu tindakan walaupun sesungguhnya hati takut untuk menempuh hari yang besok. SUATU tindakan yang bakal memakan diri sendiri dan melukakan hati ramai pihak tetapi lebih meremukkan hati sendiri. Hanya pada-MU aku berserah. Dan sesungguhnya aku PASRAH.

Mungkin hanya tuhan, yang tahu segalanya

Apa yang ku inginkan disaat-saat ini hooo

Kau takkan percaya, kau selalu dihati

Haruskah ku menangis untuk menyatakan yang sesungguhnya

Kau lah segalanya untukku

Kau lah curahan hati ini

Tak mungkin ku melukakan mu

Tiada lagi yang kuharapkan hanya kau seorg

Biarkan hati menanges untuk hari ini, kelak hati akan tertawa dimasakan datang. Aku menunggu hari tersebut.........

Ku teringat hati yang bertabur mimpi kemana kau pergi cinta

Perjalanan sunyi yang kau tempuh sendiri kuatkan lah hati cinta

Ingatkah engkau kepada embun pagi yang bersahaja yang menemanimu sebelum cahaya

Ingatkah engkau kepada angin yang menghembus mesra

yang kan membelaimu cinta

Kekuatan hati yang berpegang janji gengam lah tanganmu cinta

Ku tak akan pergi meninggalkan mu sendiri temani hatimu cinta

Sesungguhnya kuatkanlah hati ....CINTA.

Intension.......huhu

Semalam pas teman CT shopping kt alamanda, aku ngan ida terus gerak ge downtown cheras, masa tu lam area kul 11.00malam. Ida teringin nk ge situ sebab tak pernah pg, aku dah biasa sgt..... nak2 lak N duduk kat Taman Shamelin, memang asyik dok ulang-alik area ctu jer. Malam tu hujan so aku budget misti tak ramai org then barang sure leh dapat ngan harga murah. Rupa2nya aku salah, hujan kat area serdang ngan bangi jer, kat cheras tak der lah hujan seksgt. Org memang ramai gler, susah gler nak parking sampai aku dah pikir nak wat 4wheel dah viva aku tu. Sampai jer kat trafic light depan downtown aku suruh ida bawak keta, sebab aku tak pandai sgt parking sisi.......ngah pusing2 tetiba zzaaapppp nampak parking.......zasss ktrg masuk. hehe selamat.

Pas pusing2, nak beli tshirt rm10 tapi takder yg berkenan, last2 jumpa pakcik jual novel. Cari punya cari jumpa AYAT-AYAT CINTA, harga rm20.00. Tgk duit lam wallet ada rm27. Hmmm minyak keta dah berkedip2, duit GRF tak masuk lg. Tapi aku nekad nak beli gak novel ni. Sama cam nekad aku nak ge tgk citer SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE sensorg pun takper. Pas aku beli ida bisik kat aku suruh tanya pakcik tu buku PERMATA YANG HILANG ada tak? aku yang jujur ni terus ge tanya pakcik buku permata yang hilang ada tak, dengan suara yang agak rendah dan rasa aku hanya pakcik tu ngan aku jer dengar. Pakcik tu senyum sambil mengira duit ballance yg nak kasi kt org lain, dia cakap.... buku tu dah di'ban' yer dik...... aku blur apsal lak nak kena ban. Sebab buku tu banyak ada gambar2 yang agak lucah..... aku kerut kening wat muka blur. Pakcik tu mcm nk ketawa tapi dia tahan. Buku tu untuk org2 yang nak kahwin dia ceritakan pasal malam pertama. Ok terima kaseh pakcik. Aku belah ngan muka yg sgt malu. Mana la aku tahu buku tu untuk benda tu. Siap ko ida!!!!!

Well, kembali kpd ayat2 cinta, setakat ni aku baru baca sampai muka surat 165........ hmmm memang hasil penulisan sastera yang sangat hebat, absolutely brilliant, bahasa dia sangat simple tapi halus dan mudah menusuk dalam hati, kita membaca seolah2 kita yang menjadi fahri, subhanallah....... i don't know what to say. Aku pernah baca hasil tulisan HAMKA, tenggelamnya kapal van der wich, aku baca tulisan ARENAWATI, sudara............. and AYAT-AYAT CINTA adalah sesuatu yang sgt mengasyikkan, ia mengajar kita dan dalam masa yang sama memberi pengajaran kepada kita dalam sebuah buku yang berbentuk novel. Mengajar kita untuk menjadi manusia@ th best word INSAN yang dicintai dan menyintai. Hmmmm....... k nak sambung membaca lagi. Wah banyak betul buku2 yang menarik untuk aku baca tapi buku TOUCHING THE VOID from Joe Simpson tu kena hold dulu sebab nak kasi priority to Ayat-ayat cinta. Wow!! I guess gaji yang aku dapat dari LUFTI nanti, maybe i will spend for my car and OF COZ buy another books for these month collection. Cool.......... i cannot wait for that money nak pg ATRIA, Sri Damansara. Yee haaa.

Reading books really release every tense in my head. I felt totally free. tapi sesungguhnya aku memang seorg yg sangat tamak dalam membaca. Banyak sgt buku dan journal yang nak dibaca tapi i usually had no time for each off these book.....because i'm a slow reader..... i take time to digest each words, yup i'm a dislexia thou.

My SouL

Last night i was free from any engagement with all my friends. Start again my so long called hobbies which is 'keluar malam' and 'balik lewat'. Hehe.......... i felt so boring stayed at home, with those annoyed noise with my TV broke down still had no idea bcoz of what....... well nevertheless had no money to repair it; have to save for my car tax & insurances. Cool!!! So i took a really deep breath one two three buumm...sleeep.....wake up, take a shower, read magazine then fall to sleep till early in the morning....... what i got....its totally fresh felling and empty minds. Yeah...... I'm going to work ready for a new start and rushing to a meeting discussion at 10am. Wow!!! felt like a student again...

Its quite boring when you have to follow the same routine everyday.....everyweek.... duh boring boring....... God test me with soo....much problem in my project team, till now i'm grown up to be ....hhmmmm problem...ok problem again.....duh that problem......hello problemm again. Huh!! I didn't realise these is my fourth final semester, yet not publish any journal or publication, hehehe still had not finish my testing...... collect all kind off journal but luckily had no idea where to start. i felt more like a useless then a winner. Gorsshhhh.........i just want to scream........somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!! huh

Bout life....cool and excellent, had a problem with my housemate, with Cik rasmina which more i called unprofessional shout out but then .....fine whatever gurl, i didn't talk with my dad............becoz of my relationship with my new boyfriend, he didn't like him. A few weeks ago ...... i dreamt that i tell nobody bout it...... that i wake one morning and i tried to find my dad, but his not there in our house i ask everybody where is my dad, he take a good care of me i felt totally empty and nothing to be sure, why everybody was cried and tell me to CALM DOWN. i cannot do that because i want to see my dad..... everybody was busied with the funeral preparation. i was so mad i get crazy i shout loud and cried that i want my dad....... untill then i wake up, felt a tears come up from my eyes and i'm in sober........ gorsshh i never dreamt like these before.

I'm a daddy's favorite daughter and one thing we had in common is......we are soo damn stubborn. He stick with his decission and so do I. At first i thought that i do nothing wrong and i will never broke up with my BF.... fulled stop....end off discussion. I didn't talk to my dad, and he did it too. NEVERMIND ....sorry i didn't even care about it.

BUT....... the dreamt told the difference side of me. I do care actually. I remembered when daddy took me to school when i was in standard 1, i remembered daddy buy first KFC burger when i was 7 or 8 years old, I eat it all along that big burgers by myself beside my little brother till my mom came and shout that i suppost to share it with him, i.....OK.....i already finish it. I see my little brothers face, he was so spechless and of coz with watery eyes. I'm a bad sister....i know it. Remembered all the past, make me realise that i shouldn't act the way i did........ I felt totally confuse with myself...........

So ........... thats what make the decission. I want to break up.

My Best Friend Wedding....

Alhamdullillah....syukur aku seorang lagi kawan aku dah selamat bernikah. Thankx God for giving her as my best friend. Most of all what soo special about her is she taught me a lot to be a tough gurl and let other people said anything about us, yang penting kita kenal siapa diri kita. Thats what i'm said life is mean nothing without a friends who can guide you, and always be by yourside through hard and good time.

Actually, i have 2 clique of best friend..... first ngan yani and ijan...second is with ida and ct. when with ijan ngan yani, still ok becox we all ni lalalala and equal sebab semua lum kawen, but when with my seconds clique ni memang terasa seksangat both dah already happily married and i'm still masih mencari. Listen to their storied and everytning somehow, rasa diri cam kecil seksgt. But i know my time will come soon. But I absolutely impossiblely to get a guy by stabbing other gurl, or rampas kekasih org or what ever...... i have my dignity and i stick with it, tak guna kalo bahagia atas kesedihan org lain. Well, actually setiap org ada kisah cinta dia tersendiri, soo.... tak adil pulak kalo nak pandang serong pd org yg suka rampas or whatsoever ni.....itu hak memasing lah. UH...huh..... ni apsal lak masuk bab rampas cinta nih........ kalo ida baca ni confirm wa kena blasah harharhar...... I RESPECT other poeple dan setiap org ada kisah cinta dia tersendiri, so don't judge other people for what they have done........ as a human i have no right to do it.

Bout me and N, hmmmm....hehe i don't know what to say. Let time tell the story....... we will never know who will be our husband untill the akad is done......... So by now, i would really LOVE to be free, being like a bird, i just want to fly.......all over the world, and other people judge by the way they want. Because one thing most important is.... they don't know who i am.

I LOVE my friends coz they take me the way I am. They didn't question me if i did wrong...... I LOVE YOU Guys.....(IDacTiJAnyaniE)

My OLD day!!!

It almost 9.30pm at night and i'm in my home....whereelse faculty of forestry.... i was so busy till don't have much time to the place where at first i think i don't belong.... but well, 9 years is mean a lot off think.... i really miss my old friends yani, liza, dina/najwa, yana when we rushing to the class and jump to the fifth row of dewan kuliah hutan which already book for us accept that mustakim and muslim or kijing yg suka menyibok kacau row ktrg. With ijan, rin, nora, pokni and juli kat row bawah ktrg........ life seem like haven walaupun busy ngan kelas amali dan bla bla bla..... Rasa cam rindu zaman diploma..... hidup cam kanak2 ribena jer..... kalo sabtu ahad reramai ge KL, yani jd tour guide, paling takpun pg mines, beli maggi banyak2 time dapat loan, pastu simpan sampai akhir sem....... beratur pepanjang kat affin bank....harharhar.

But now i'm still standing here with these dam# mosquito....... then Fakri came from FRIM doing his master writting here. Siap pesan....baik2 kena denggi nanti.... hmmmm i just smile... i miss old day..... coz sometime trying to grown up is ....sorry to say... is quite tough....and difficult. I miss all myfriends........ i miss to just kutuk muslim and mustakim, i miss to meniru dalam test, i miss nak bawak toyol, miss kelas Sir Lim Meng Sai, miss kelas tuan hj. abdul rahman derus, menyampah ngan undang2 hutan yg mcm2 akta kena hafal yg confirm time test tak leh jawabnye, miss lepas kelas lepak kat marry brown, miss ukur pokok angkat, miss kutuk ct timah(she's my best friend now harharhar), miss amali wildlife kat sg.lalang...wildlife tak salah kan...., miss kem hutan time minum air masak perisa asap, then kena guling2 kt lumpur, miss sambut birthday reramai(me&yani), rasa cam kenangan tu semua baru jer berlaku........... i can't believe i'm 26 this year, felt more like 17....... still can't believe it......